Sorta Rape, Not Real Rape... (Warning...possible triggers.)

There has been a lot in the press this week stemming from comments made by a couple of Conservative MPs (and one MEP.)

Firstly Nadine Dorries introduced the Bill, that if passed would mean that girls between the ages of 11-15 would have lessons in sexual abstinance. Just girls, mind you. Not boys... Guardian article on the Bill

Then in a television interview, she came out with, I quote;
“If a stronger ‘just say no’ message was given to children, there might be an impact on sex abuse. A lot of girls, when abuse takes place, don’t realise until later that that was wrong because sex is so common in society."

Later that same week, Ken Clarke came out with comments that could be construed as meaning that some rapes are somehow less than other. He did try to clarify what he meant, but still managed to show his little understanding of what he was talking about in the first place. Ken Clark Clarifies?

He was then defended by the MEP, Roger Helmer, who definitely feels some rape is worse than other rape. "Women share some of the responsibilty"

Let's just say it's been a bad week for Tory politicians opening their mouths without thought, but also a bad week for us all when we look at these views in a broader perspective.

Nadine Dorries...WTF? Seriously? My mind cannot comprehend that a modern woman would come out with this claptrap. But when you take on board her religious and political beliefs (Fundie and very RightWing) it all becomes clear. I really don't even have to pull her ideas apart to show how ridiculous they are. But unfortunately, there are those that while agree that her Bill for single sex abstinance education is ridiculous fail to see how those ideas translate into the comments that her male colleagues make later in the week.

If we are teaching young girls that they must hold ALL sexual responsibility, as women, they STILL must hold that responsibility at all times, and if they are raped, then somehow it must be their fault. Your clothing, your attitude, your whereabouts, your alcohol consumption are all questioned in an attempt to show how a woman's actions contribute to her rape. And if you happen to be raped by someone you know (the majority of all rapes) then all of that, AND your sexual history is taken into account.

Dorries' comments that “If a stronger ‘just say no’ message was given to children, there might be an impact on sex abuse. A lot of girls, when abuse takes place, don’t realise until later that that was wrong because sex is so common in society."

Because when a sexual predator is about to abuse someone, saying no always stops them...What? You mean it doesn't?

Abuse isn't about sex. Like rape, abuse is about POWER! The power of one person over another!

I know I will be preaching to the converted here, but rape and abuse is about violent power over another. It isn't just about sex, or sexual gratification, it has a whole load of other nasties wrapped up along with it.

But the bottom line is, if a woman or man says they don't want to have sex at ANY point of the act, they have that right, and whoever they are with MUST STOP NO MATTER WHAT!

It infantalises and demeans men when the notion that they are somehow incapable of stopping having sex at any given moment is put forward as an excuse, and that when they have an erection or intercourse, that their minds switch off entirely and they become little more than drooling sexual automatons.

On a very personal note, I will share some of my more nasty sexual experiences...(Possible Trigger Alert)

The first time I had sex. I was sixteen, a bit of a social klutz, and generally a bit of a emo teenage mess. I was unsure if I wanted to do anything, but found myself led along and plied with alcohol, so when I really did want to stop, it didn't happen. I "changed my mind" at the last moment, so I know that I fall into that catagory of "it's not proper rape", but imho he had the power, he didn't stop when I wanted him to, and while I don't feel I have any long lasting damage from the event, it still means the first time I had sex is not something I feel fondly about.

I once met someone and went on a few dates with him. He was quite a bit older than me (at Uni while I was still at school.) He was nice enough, and then one Saturday morning, I met him at his digs thinking we were going to go out. As I turned up, his housemates were leaving. He was still in a dressing gown. To cut a long story short, I spent most my time trying to fend off his advances, to stop him trying to "persuade" me to go upstairs with me, and it ended with me managing to get out of the house. (Thank the Gods it wasn't locked.) and ran to a friend's house around the corner. At her house, I managed to rearrange my clothes and refasten my bra that he had managed to undo. Was this a sexual assault? Probably. Did I tell anyone other than my friends? No. Did I think I was an idiot for getting myself into that situation? Yes. However, I didn't ask for any of it, I wasn't expecting it, and why should he have thought he could get into knickers just because he felt like it.

On more than one occasion, I have had my hand forced down someone's trousers to get them off. Even to the point, that the young man in question didn't want me, he wanted my friend, but when I went out of the party to tell him that, he felt he would make do with me instead...

I have lost count of the times I have had my breasts groped and poked by men thinking that because I have spoken to them, maybe even kissed them, that I was "up for it".

It doesn't happen anymore. I am older and wiser and know how not to get myself into those situations. (Or as some arse would say, I am fatter and uglier now...a whole different issue in itself).

I never reported or told anyone (who could/would do anything about them) about these incidents, but I can guarantee that every woman out there probably has similar tales. Does this mean we were all asking for it?

From my more Witchy Blog

This is a post from one of my other blogs, which is more Witchcraft and Spirituality based.

Magick in the Back of Beyond

I would have just crossposted it, but my highlighting thingey isn't working, which is a pain in the bum.

The 11th Day of the 11th Month

At the Cenotaph - S Sassoon

I saw the Prince of Darkness, with his Staff,
Standing bare-headed by the Cenotaph:
Unostentatious and respectful, there
He stood, and offered up the following prayer.
“Make them forget, O Lord, what this Memorial
Means; their discredited ideas revive;
Breed new belief that War is purgatorial
Proof of the pride and power of being alive;
Men’s biologic urge to readjust
The Map of Europe, Lord of Hosts, increase;
Lift up their hearts in large destructive lust;
And crown their heads with blind vindictive Peace.”
The Prince of Darkness to the Cenotaph
Bowed. As he walked away I heard him laugh.

Because we haven't had the cutes for a while...

see more dog and puppy pictures

I love Technology

I miss my laptop. I miss having a decent pc in the house. We have at the moment, what I call Frankenstein's Computer. It is a machine created out of all the bits of previous pcs that my husband has never got rid of since he is a hoarder, and "they might be useful one day". I will give him his due, he was sort of right this time, as we do have a prehistoric monster in the corner of our bedroom that we can just about download our emails from. But that's pretty much it. At the moment, I am using my mum's work laptop, as she has lent it to us, for Neil to do some online applications.

Anyway, this got me thinking about the strange reaction technology can get within the Pagan world. There seems to be a lot of harking back to the "good old days", when we didn't have the technology we have now. I find this strange, since most of our standard of living comes from the way we use technology.

I think a lot of pagans consider appreciating technology in the same light as enjoying materialism. While we don't need to have the latest plasma screen tv, i-Pod, mobile (cell) phone, etc, etc...we do however have a need for the technology that makes solar panels, creates clean energy, builds our homes in sustainable ways, etc, etc...

I was walking around Gloucester Cathedral last weekend. Walking over the graves of our ancestors. I was grateful for living in this turn of the century, not the last, or further back. Reading the epitaphs of young women who have died in childbirth is quite chilling. I KNOW that if I had been around in the past, if either my son and I had survived his birth, I would have lost him at 4 months. And both my daughter and I certainly would have died during her birth. That's what technology has done for us.

Perhaps I am being melodramatic, but we do seem to take a lot for granted in this century. Wishing for simpler times may not be quite the same thing, but it depends on what is meant by simpler times.

To The Royal British Legion

Hear, bloody hear!!!!!!

A Bad Thing

*Spits*

The BNP now have two MEPs!!!!!!

I am disgusted. I am disgusted at the stupidity and ignorance of the people that voted for them. I am sure that they would not have looked into the BNP's policies or past the shallow rhetoric saying what they think people want to hear.

The irony of it being the anniversary of the D-Day landings this weekend, and our country elects fascists to represent our country in Europe is just sad and horrifying beyond words.

Sometimes I have very little faith in humanity.

Those Barbarians!

I am a big fan of those programmes like Time Team, Meet The Ancestors, Time Watch, most of the UKTV history programmes infact. I find them quite fascinating. Most of the time they are done quite sympathetically, and don't try to pass off the ancients as being these barbaric heathens.

I find it really irritating when programmes make out that our ancestors were savages who went around raping and pillaging. They seem to think that the world they lived in then was full of fear and violence. Who are we trying to kid here? This year alone almost THIRTY children have been murdered by OTHER CHILDREN in London!! What the fuck is going on? Our ancestors aren't the savage barbarians! We are!