Sometimes I wonder if I was born on the right planet.

Seriously WTF is going on?

I am watching the UK government tear the NHS apart to make it more like the United States system.
I then watch what the US government is doing to their system, and wonder whether this is not only of the beginning of the end of the NHS, but also the start of something much much more frightening?

Generation X,Y and Z. The End Of Days...

Society has become obsessed with Consuming. Your own personal worth is dictated by the things that you have. Not what you know, or what you do, but what you have. We must all Live to Work, to create money to get the stuff we want, and to make ever increasing profit. If you don't have things, or show off the things that you have, then you have no social status or standing amongst your peers.

If you have children, you must give them stuff to show them how much you love them and how important they are. The more expensive the better. It doesn't matter that you may put yourself in debt, your children will just see that as a sign of how important and loved they are. Things equal attention, affection and love.

We are told on a daily basis that we must consume more, have more, we need more, we are lacking without, in fact we are worse than that, we are somehow less, meaningless, not worthy if we do not have the things we are told we want.

We watch governments, professional politicians taking money away from us, with no return. We see big business evading taxes, putting prices up and making profit off of us. We see the banks, taking money from us, then us again through the government bailouts and then again through government taxes with no return.

We live in a society based on Greed. So why are we surprised when people who see these big businesses, government, banks and professional politicians taking from us indiscriminately, start to do it themselves?

Why is it right for them and wrong for the others? The answer is that it isn't right for ANYONE to take from others. Whether it be a politician fiddling his/her expenses, big business evading taxes and profiteering from us, or masked looters smashing in windows of JD Sports. IT IS ALL FUCKING WRONG!!!


TO BE CONTINUED...

Overemotional?

When people meet me for the first time, and possibly for a few more times, they seem to get the impression that I am a hard-nosed cow. And tbh, I probably am. It takes a long time for me to be completely open with someone, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. It wasn't always like that. Too often I would meet someone that I felt had a certain kindred spirit quality about them, and I would burn too hot, reveal too much, and get my fingers burnt.

I could be too enthusiastic, too full on, and too much. No one seemed to be able to cope with the unabashed me. So the walls went up. And up and up.

The problem with these Great Walls of Hysterical Juggling means that all the emotion and feeling that would spew forth with abandon is kept in, safe and quiet to the outside, yet constantly bubbling away like a great big Cauldron of Power. Occasionally it erupts and can be a force for good or for evil depending on the situation.

I need to be able to dismantle these walls, but rein the emotional abundance in. I know there is nothing wrong with emotion, but mine have always seem to frighten people. They just don't GET it, they don't GET me.

However, I am very much getting to the stage in life where I don't care about that anymore.

Does it matter that I cry at mushy films, at poetry, at music, in empathy to someone on the telly, in real life etc?

Does it matter that I have to turn off the news because I become overwhelmed by the sadness, trauma, hatred that we are constantly bombarded with?

Is it wrong that the more I hear about the state of the world and what the "governments" of the world are doing to it, and I want to scream in their faces "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

Is it wrong to want to teach my children survivalist skills, because I am coming to the conclusion that they, or their children are going to need them?

Am I the only one that wants to wear pink leopard spotted high heels, dance on tables, drunk on red wine, kissing strangers and jumping in fountains?

Am I the only one that wants to run through the woods at night, and skinnydip in the moonlight?

Am I the only one that looks at a life that isn't bad in any way, but it isn't the life that they ever expected...?

Serious Slumpage.

I am now entering the comedown stage of the awesomeness that was Sonisphere. You know, the bit where you realise that all that anticipation and enjoyment is now over and done with and we are back to mundane reality.

I know that I am going to Cornwall in a couple of weeks, but if I am honest, it doesn't have the same level of excitement that Sonisphere had.

So yeah, crappy mood has descended upon me. I know the reasons why. I just wish the emotional response to it all wasn't so clichéd. (It doesn't help that I am unlikely to see the friend that we went with for a really long time again, and I miss them lots when I don't see them.)

Walk on by, nothing to see here...

I don't really know where to start, so if this sounds like whinging mindless drivel, then you'd be right. It is. My mood hasn't really been that great for a while really. Knowing the reasons why doesn't make it any easier to deal with. There are a number of things going on in my life which I don't really want or need, but they are there all the same.

I am just so tired, fed up, cross, and generally not "at one with the world". And FinL's new cancer diagnosis is possibly the last straw. Once again, I have to be strong and supportive, and be there for Hubs. And you know what my reaction to that is right now? Well, it isn't great. It basically seems to boil down to, "FFS! Again?

I am the one constantly cheerleading from the homefront, telling everyone that things will get better, we will be alright, our situation will sort itself out, and you know what, it's hard fucking work being Pollyanna all the time, especially when it isn't particularly natural to you.

I am naturally a pessimistic moany old Bitch. I can't do nice all the time. But that's all I am doing at the moment. The only people I socialise with are my family, and quite frankly a lot of time, they are the people I have issues with. Unfair perhaps, but still true.

I am supporting Hubs because of his family's health (and the impact it could have on his). I have been supporting through the utter shit that his old school caused him, and will support him if this contract does end in December. I am supporting my mum, since my dad is being his normal ignorant, arrogant arsey self, her work is being shit, and generally she isn't particularly happy either at the moment. But since she is going through all of that, there is no way I can burden any of my crap on her, and quite frankly even if I did, there isn't anything she could do or say about it, so what's the point?

My brother is trying to get his act together in some aspects and not so much on others. The fact he is nearly 26, jobless, girlfriendless and quite honestly has no life means that he is a bundle of joy to be around at the moment as well.

I have gotten so good at pretending everything is alright, that everyone believes me when I say I am fine.

I am not fine. I haven't been for a while now.

ConDemned

It looks like the Liberal Democrats are going to make a coalition government with the Conservatives. My title for my previous post seems very apt. We are being Hung Out To Dry.

I can't imagine that there is a Liberal Democrat out there at grassroots level who actually wants this to happen. The only good thing that could possibly come out of this, is that the Tories will make a complete pigs ear out of it, and will be voted out again within a year. However, as much as that would be a good thing to happen, in the meantime the damage would have already been done. Both to this country and to the Liberal Democrats.

I CANNOT see how a Liberal Democrat can get into bed with a Conservative. Their political views are just so different from each other.

A Bad Thing

*Spits*

The BNP now have two MEPs!!!!!!

I am disgusted. I am disgusted at the stupidity and ignorance of the people that voted for them. I am sure that they would not have looked into the BNP's policies or past the shallow rhetoric saying what they think people want to hear.

The irony of it being the anniversary of the D-Day landings this weekend, and our country elects fascists to represent our country in Europe is just sad and horrifying beyond words.

Sometimes I have very little faith in humanity.

Upset and really ANGRY!

Footage of the man who died at the G20 protests.

United Kingdom - 03/08/08

Will nothing be done?




Spread the word.

Disillusionment...part deux

I have started to tentatively put my nose back out on the pagan scene. I was quite active a few years back, but after some horrible experiences I pulled my head back in. But I do miss it. I am not entirely sure why, but I want people that feel the same way about things as I do, or at the very least people that don't think I am a freak for feeling the way I do.

I just find that a lot of pagans/witches/insert your appropriate label here just don't seem to be on the same mindset as me. Now I have never expected people to be exactly the same as me, but I do get tired of being the odd one out.

I often have the conversation with my husband where we ponder if we really are the weirdos. The conclusion that we have come to is that we must be. We look at our peers, and we have very little in common with them. Our concerns and priorities aren't the same. And I just don't understand why that is. My concerns and priorities are based on what I consider to be common sense. But that appears to be different from what others consider common sense.

I am very disillusioned with People at the moment. I am just not that sure what to do about it.

Disillusionment...

The meaning of disillusionment is "freeing from false belief or illusions". At face value this sounds quite positive, doesn't it? Unfortunately I think most of the time we become disillusioned when something we have believed to be true is found to be false. Which isn't necessarily a freedom that we always want. It might be the truth, but the truth can be cold, harsh and unwelcome.

I try very hard not to be a cynical, pessimistic person. It is becoming increasingly hard at the moment. I hate being in situations where I am watching from the outside and am helpless to change. All I can do is sit and wait it out.

What does this mean to me? There could be some radical changes happening in the not so distant future. They are changes that were on the cards anyway, however being prematurely pushed into the situation before we are ready could well be very uncomfortable.

To Be Continued...maybe...

Whoops!

Nearly a month from my last post. My excuse is illness, holidays, birthdays and Seasonal Celebrations, so I think that is fair enough really.

I am aiming to spend less time on the interwebz, and get a life again. However, what I want to do is spend more of my time writing, so hopefully if I manage to churn out anything decent, I will post it here.

2009 has started. Conflict in Israel and Gaza, credit crunch, same old, same old really. While I don't want to live in a complete state of avoidance and ignorance, I am trying to seperate myself from the news. I have come to realise (and had it pointed out in an astrology reading) that I worry too much about everything, and I let things I have little or no control over severely affect my mood. Much of the month of December was spent in a mild depression over the state of the world and the future of my children. Even coming to the conclusion that I need to up my skills, since the kids would be better off with Neil if the world goes to hell in a handbag. I didn't watch the new series of Survivers, since my thoughts were dwelling much too much in that kind of reality.

In some senses, my feelings haven't changed that much. However, my rational side has taken over somewhat and I realise that it won't be this year it all goes bad, so I will be investigating skills I hadn't thought of before. I don't care if it makes me sound like some kind of survialist freak. It is just how I am feeling at the moment.

ION, I have not got Coeliac's. Which is good in the sense that I don't have it. Obviously. However it would have at least been a diagnosis, so I am having to have "further investigations" for my dodgey tummy issues.

Josie has 4 teeth, 2 bottom, and 2 top ones. She is walking and trying to run, and generally being a independent feisty little madam. Much like her mum! Owen is growing like a very tall weed, and Neil is getting along at work. Hopefully we will be looking at moving next year, and things will all be good in our part of the universe.

That's all for now. I aim to be posting something else soon. And I won't be offline yet. But probably soon.

Ugly Betties

This isn't going to be a very empowering, gungho post about feminism, politics or witchcraft. It will probably read like a whingey, emo, teenangst blogpost that we all hate. But it's just how I am feeling at the moment.

I am not beautiful. This isn't a cry for sympathy or people to tell me "oh, but you are, blah blah blah..." It is simple honesty. Most of the time I don't really care. I know I can be beautiful, if I can be bothered to make the effort. But the basic scrubbed me is pretty much a plain jane. There should be nothing wrong with this, and like I said, most of the time I don't care. But sometimes I do.

I am fat too. I am doing something about it, not because I need to be slim, but because I want to be healthier for myself and my kids. My family's health is not great as they get older so I would rather sort it now when it is relatively easy to do. But add plain janeness and fat together and I feel like a total ugly lump.

It makes me feel a bit pathetic though, still being hung up on what I look like. It really shouldn't matter. So why does it? Why does it to me, and why does it to society? When does the mature assurance kick in and you really really don't give a fuck?

I feel like I am in a limbo some of the time. I am too old at 35 to be wearing stuff from Top Shop and the like, but my mum (54) is buying her clothes from Next and Wallis. My mum is cool, but I don't want to be dressing like my mum yet. Is that silly of me?

Okay, maybe there might be a bit of feminism in here. :P

I consider myself to be an feminist, trying to avoid falling into the traps of stereotypes of all forms, yet I don't seem able to get myself out of this one. I know I am worth more than my looks. So why is it still so important to me that I can have days where I can't bear the sight of my reflection. I wouldn't think so little of someone else, so why do I beat myself with this stick?

Answers on a postcard please...