Empty Head by Owen (age 10yrs and 4 months)

Empty Head

An idea came
Flew into my head
So huge
So terrifying
An idea came
Its emerald green eyes paralysing its prey
Its thrashing wings creating whirlwinds in the sky
Its roar echoes through the planet
Its burning scarlet scales
Contrast with its golden glistening horns
A silver tipped tail slashes the air
Poisonous bloodstained fangs sink into the earth
Static claws illuminate the clouds
An idea came
I wanted it to stay
Its fiery breath burns me
Its icy spit freezes me
It flew away to oblivion
It was gone.

THE ONLY WITCH IN THE VILLAGE!!!

I am moving overseas at the end of August. Exciting but eversoslightly terrifying as well. It has literally been on the cards for years, just have never been completely sure what the Big Change that was promised would actually be. (Was really really hoping it wasn't another baby as I so don't want/need to be doing that again.)

So yeah, when Hubs got a job on the other side of the world, I Knew that this was it. A chance to leave behind all the crap of the UK and start again.

It is rather overwhelming when I think of it too much and I wonder what it will be like. The seasons are opposite to here, so we will be moving into the Spring Equinox energy when we get there. It gives us the opportunity to move away from the Christianised version of the Sabbats, since Easter will be at the Autumn Equinox, and Christmas will be in the middle of the Summer. (Which undoubtedly will mess with my tiny little mind a lot.)

The one thing is does mean that although Christmas may be happening in the Summer, we can still have our Winter Solstice celebrations (Yule) and make a big deal out of it, which will help to alleviate some of the confusion that the kids may have. (Yes, Pagans get to have two Crimbos!)

What I have wondered though, is will I be the only Witchy type Pagan out there? I have been told that there is someone out there, (described as a White Witchy type, which makes my hackles rise, but may just be a Non-Pagan's description of them.) Whether or not they will have anything in common with me, remains to be seen, but it would be nice to think that we might do.

However, if we don't, so be it. I shall cope. It will be interesting to see what happens to my Witchcraft and stuff when I have more time and space to get on and do it. Who knows, I might even set up my own Trad! :P

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

HE GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is me. Age 9. About the same age as my son is now. The hair is blonde, not grey, although my mother says I was 40 from the age of 4, my hair didn't show it. :P

I was a pretty little thing, although I didn't really feel it. Once again, hindsight is 20:20 and I was quite a sad little thing too. There were (are) father issues. Not anything too serious in some ways, but serious enough to have a lasting effect.

I can see both my son and daughter in this picture. My son seems to have inherited my somewhat melancholy nature. I want to shield them both from the harshness that can be our world, but I don't want to smother them in cotton wool and leave them vulnerable to the reality of life.

I try to show them what is good in the world too. My daughter is shouting "Spring is coming, Spring is coming" as we point to the buds and blossoms forming on the trees.

I want them to be happier than I was as a child. It is a work in progress.

One Step Closer

To what could be the biggest change in our lives...

Eeeek!

Neil has had his interview for an overseas job, which he feels went well. We will find out in the next week or so whether he has it or not.

This is very exciting, and we are trying not to pin our hopes on it too much. (Although that is probably too late now. :P

Overemotional?

When people meet me for the first time, and possibly for a few more times, they seem to get the impression that I am a hard-nosed cow. And tbh, I probably am. It takes a long time for me to be completely open with someone, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. It wasn't always like that. Too often I would meet someone that I felt had a certain kindred spirit quality about them, and I would burn too hot, reveal too much, and get my fingers burnt.

I could be too enthusiastic, too full on, and too much. No one seemed to be able to cope with the unabashed me. So the walls went up. And up and up.

The problem with these Great Walls of Hysterical Juggling means that all the emotion and feeling that would spew forth with abandon is kept in, safe and quiet to the outside, yet constantly bubbling away like a great big Cauldron of Power. Occasionally it erupts and can be a force for good or for evil depending on the situation.

I need to be able to dismantle these walls, but rein the emotional abundance in. I know there is nothing wrong with emotion, but mine have always seem to frighten people. They just don't GET it, they don't GET me.

However, I am very much getting to the stage in life where I don't care about that anymore.

Does it matter that I cry at mushy films, at poetry, at music, in empathy to someone on the telly, in real life etc?

Does it matter that I have to turn off the news because I become overwhelmed by the sadness, trauma, hatred that we are constantly bombarded with?

Is it wrong that the more I hear about the state of the world and what the "governments" of the world are doing to it, and I want to scream in their faces "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

Is it wrong to want to teach my children survivalist skills, because I am coming to the conclusion that they, or their children are going to need them?

Am I the only one that wants to wear pink leopard spotted high heels, dance on tables, drunk on red wine, kissing strangers and jumping in fountains?

Am I the only one that wants to run through the woods at night, and skinnydip in the moonlight?

Am I the only one that looks at a life that isn't bad in any way, but it isn't the life that they ever expected...?

Really snoresome update.

Couldn't think of a title, and general update is really boring. So random keys it is.

Since the last time I have updated, there hasn't been that much news. Am slowly, slowly getting the garden sorted, even if the slugs and snails have eaten one of my corguette plants. (Gits) Will send Hubs out for a crappy beer or something, and hopefully drown the buggers. So far I have french beans, runner beans, petit pois, corguettes, pumpkins, peppers, chillis, strawberries, raspberries, an apple tree, a pear tree (although those I don't think I will get any fruit from yet). I also have oregano, thyme, lovage, basil, parsley, chives, chamomile, lavender, rosemary and dill growing in various pots.

I need to clear up around the pond, and see if I can resurrect it. It would be lovely to have an actual pond, rather than the stagnant swamp I have at the mo. It has a buddlia at the back of it that I planted last year which is growing well, and I have some broken clay pots at the back as DIY toadhomes.

Other than that, the lawn is awful, with bare patches. But I will get there eventually.


Kiddywinks are well, Hubs is doing okay at work. They really do like him there which is always a bonus. However, we have come to the decision that we HAVE to be moving next year. It will either be because the maternity leave that Hubs is covering will finish and the woman will come back, which will be the end of the Christmas term. Or preferably, Hubs will take his current year 10s through year 11, and we will be moving in the summer hols. We still really have NO idea where, but we will just have to see where the jobs come up. Obviously we have preferences, but it is really just a case of wait and see.

Hubs' dad is still suffering, but he is off to his consultant tomorrow, so hopefully they will be able to offer him something that helps.


I was down in Cornwall the last weekend of May. It was lovely down there, just wish I could drive (and had a car) so could have got around more. However it was very peaceful, the B&B was nice, and we are hoping to get down there again for the Summer hols. My friend's wedding was lovely, but it was a bit weird not having Hubs and the kids there.

This weekend just gone, we went to the Colchester Mediaeval Faire (Oysterfaire) it was nice, but I think DD got a bit hot and tired, so was grumpier than I appreciated. The stuff there was really nice, and I could have bought lots of things, but since we really don't need any of it, have nowhere to put any of it, there was no real point. (Boooo) However we did get DS a Robin Hood outfit (it looks really cool) and DD had a Fair Maiden's headpiece thing. Didn't get anything for myself. Which was disappointing. However some of the stalls are online, so I will be perusing those while Hubs is in the mood for spending money! :D

Perhaps at some point I will have some interesting and outstanding news...This isn't one of them.

Walk on by, nothing to see here...

I don't really know where to start, so if this sounds like whinging mindless drivel, then you'd be right. It is. My mood hasn't really been that great for a while really. Knowing the reasons why doesn't make it any easier to deal with. There are a number of things going on in my life which I don't really want or need, but they are there all the same.

I am just so tired, fed up, cross, and generally not "at one with the world". And FinL's new cancer diagnosis is possibly the last straw. Once again, I have to be strong and supportive, and be there for Hubs. And you know what my reaction to that is right now? Well, it isn't great. It basically seems to boil down to, "FFS! Again?

I am the one constantly cheerleading from the homefront, telling everyone that things will get better, we will be alright, our situation will sort itself out, and you know what, it's hard fucking work being Pollyanna all the time, especially when it isn't particularly natural to you.

I am naturally a pessimistic moany old Bitch. I can't do nice all the time. But that's all I am doing at the moment. The only people I socialise with are my family, and quite frankly a lot of time, they are the people I have issues with. Unfair perhaps, but still true.

I am supporting Hubs because of his family's health (and the impact it could have on his). I have been supporting through the utter shit that his old school caused him, and will support him if this contract does end in December. I am supporting my mum, since my dad is being his normal ignorant, arrogant arsey self, her work is being shit, and generally she isn't particularly happy either at the moment. But since she is going through all of that, there is no way I can burden any of my crap on her, and quite frankly even if I did, there isn't anything she could do or say about it, so what's the point?

My brother is trying to get his act together in some aspects and not so much on others. The fact he is nearly 26, jobless, girlfriendless and quite honestly has no life means that he is a bundle of joy to be around at the moment as well.

I have gotten so good at pretending everything is alright, that everyone believes me when I say I am fine.

I am not fine. I haven't been for a while now.

Waiting

Waiting. I seem to spend a lot of my time waiting. Waiting for people to ring, text me, turn up, but at the moment we are waiting for what could possibly one of the most important decisions in our lives so far.

We are waiting to see if Neil has been successful in getting a job. Now that doesn't sound particularly unusual, but this job happens to be on the other side of the world. We will find out if he has it some point next week. Next week isn't that far away, but it feels like an eternity.

I hate waiting.

Being Vegan...

I am coming up to the end of my 21 days of being vegan. I would say I have been about 75% successful. I certainly have been vegetarian the entire time, and plan to continue. The veganism has been harder work simply because there have been occasions where I haven't checked the labels properly, and there have been those "extra" ingredients. (And once I completely fell off the vegan wagon with a veggie pizza!) However, I did do 7 days of veganism, so have completed that part of my 101/1001 days.

Another problem I have found is that I can't just afford to replace stuff that we already have, so it is a case of use it all up first, and then get a vegan subsitute. Eating out can problematic as most restaurants can just about cope with the idea of vegetarianism, but veganism just blows their minds. As for having dinner at other peoples' then I think it will depend on who they are, some will cope better with veganism than others.

Hubs isn't completely sure about the veganism. He is supportive up to a point, I just think he feels it is a bit weird. The kids like some of the stuff, and it does mean that the whole family is eating more vegetables.

It is a work in progress. The vegetarianism is just a given now, but I will have to try harder with the veganism.