I don't really know where to start, so if this sounds like whinging mindless drivel, then you'd be right. It is. My mood hasn't really been that great for a while really. Knowing the reasons why doesn't make it any easier to deal with. There are a number of things going on in my life which I don't really want or need, but they are there all the same.
I am just so tired, fed up, cross, and generally not "at one with the world". And FinL's new cancer diagnosis is possibly the last straw. Once again, I have to be strong and supportive, and be there for Hubs. And you know what my reaction to that is right now? Well, it isn't great. It basically seems to boil down to, "FFS! Again?
I am the one constantly cheerleading from the homefront, telling everyone that things will get better, we will be alright, our situation will sort itself out, and you know what, it's hard fucking work being Pollyanna all the time, especially when it isn't particularly natural to you.
I am naturally a pessimistic moany old Bitch. I can't do nice all the time. But that's all I am doing at the moment. The only people I socialise with are my family, and quite frankly a lot of time, they are the people I have issues with. Unfair perhaps, but still true.
I am supporting Hubs because of his family's health (and the impact it could have on his). I have been supporting through the utter shit that his old school caused him, and will support him if this contract does end in December. I am supporting my mum, since my dad is being his normal ignorant, arrogant arsey self, her work is being shit, and generally she isn't particularly happy either at the moment. But since she is going through all of that, there is no way I can burden any of my crap on her, and quite frankly even if I did, there isn't anything she could do or say about it, so what's the point?
My brother is trying to get his act together in some aspects and not so much on others. The fact he is nearly 26, jobless, girlfriendless and quite honestly has no life means that he is a bundle of joy to be around at the moment as well.
I have gotten so good at pretending everything is alright, that everyone believes me when I say I am fine.
I am not fine. I haven't been for a while now.
