Friday, December 3, 2010

I want...I want...I want...

These shoes are Made Of Awesome...

Very impractical for a marriedmumof2, but I don't GIVVASHIT! (Sorry) I loves them!

And if we had the spare monies, I would so get them!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Remembrance Day

I once got slammed down in a forum for pondering over the significance and symbolism of the date chosen to be Remembrance Day. Okay, I know that the bods of the armed forces of the time wouldn't have considered the relevance of the season, but I personally feel that the link between Remembrance Day, Bonfire Night, with Samhain etc is there, and is why we hold onto these festivals. Call it genetic collective memory or call it Bollocks, but to me, it is so poignant that we remember our lost dead at the time of year where we remember our dead.I once got slammed down in a forum for pondering over the significance and symbolism of the date chosen to be Rem
embrance Day. Okay, I know that the bods of the armed forces of the time wouldn't have considered the relevance of the season, but I personally feel that the link between Remembrance Day, Bonfire Night, with Samhain etc is there, and is why we hold onto these festivals. Call it genetic collective memory or call it Bollocks, but to me, it is so poignant that we remember our lost dead at the time of year where we remember our dead. once got slammed down in a forum for pondering over the significance and symbolism of the date chosen to be Remembrance Day. Okay, I know that the bods of the armed forces of the time wouldn't have considered the relevance of the season, but I personally feel that the link between Remembrance Day, Bonfire Night, with Samhain etc is there, and is why we hold onto these festivals. Call it genetic collective memory or call it Bollocks, but to me, it is so poignant that we remember our lost dead at the time of year where we remember our dead.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Bracken the Labrador (22/03/1997 - 03/11/2010)

My mum and dad had to put my old dog to sleep yesterday. I am very sad, even though it was relatively expected. He was such a loved member of our family. My kids loved him, my husband loved him. I remember picking him up from the breeders as a 9 week old puppy. He was all squidgy and full of beans, running around like a loon in my little courtyard, until he just plonked himself next to me and fell into blissful puppy sleep.

He would eat my shoes. One pair of uncomfortable sandals that I wasn't too upset about, but then my fave pair of sexy date ankle boots. And I truly mean eat them. Not just chew them up into bits, these shoes were gone.

When we first brought my son home from the hospital, he loudly woofed at my husband when he went to pick him up. Bracken obviously felt that only my mum and I were allowed to touch this new "puppy".

If you left food anywhere near him, he would try and nab it.

He wasn't allowed to sit on the sofa, and was too big to do it anyway. But it didn't stop him occasionally sneaking up onto my mum's lap until she was swamped by this massive dog grinning like mad. Sometimes when we would stay over and sleep on the sofabed in the living room. At some point in the night he would realise we were still there, and shove his way into the room and lie down next to the bed. In the morning we would be woken by a cold wet nose stuck in our faces and treated to a smellydogbreath lick! Sometimes I would let him into the sofabed, and he would wiggle with glee until my mum would come in and look at him pretending to be cross with him and he would wiggle more and wag his tail like mad at her.

He was so full of love and mischief and I really miss him.

(Picture isn't actually Bracken, but looks a hell of a lot like him)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Blodeuwedd's Song

Rowan Fairgrove

On the wing once again on the Path of Stars
The Old Man raging full and great.
He can't believe that he's not in charge;
That I control my wings and fate.

At the time of the taking of the King
'Tis I who hold the Spear of Light.
My hand is sure though my heart's breaking.
I know my destiny is right.

The constant in this world is change,
The cycle of the moon and womb.
But men will build and defy and rage
Refusing to embrace their doom.

As Woman and as Owl and Queen,
As Priestess of the night and stars,
They curse me where my shadow's seen
But my dance goes on across the years.

copyright 1998 Rowan Fairgrove. All Rights Reserved.

Monday, October 4, 2010


She seems to be popping up all over the place at the moment. And I have always had a soft spot for her ever since my first Goddess Conference. (I attempted to dress up as Her at the Ball.) I always felt that there was more to Her story than just the cliched betrayer she is portrayed to be.

Within the Celtic Tradition, storytelling has long been a favored occupation and, generally speaking, the longer and more intricate the story, the more revered the legend and the teller. Long held as the embodiment of most ancient Welsh legends is the Mabinogion. The story of Branwen is contained therein, as is the legend of Blodeuwedd. In order to offer some sort of clarity to these legends it is necessary to give you some background in the history of the Celts and, therefore, shed some light on the intricacies of the stories. The Celts, historically, were matrilineal; you were born to your mother’s line, not your father’s. Kingship, therefore, landed upon the son of the king’s sister and not upon the offspring of the king and the queen. Very often, too, the queens were the actual power, with her spouse being a Duke of War, rather than a true king. In order to be a king, one had to marry the land in order to demonstrate his devotion to the sovereignty. Often, this marriage was symbolic and accomplished by the practice of the Great Rite between the proposed king and a priestess of the Goddess. The commission of this act would ensure the king’s love for the land and a lifelong desire to defend her as he would his wife. It is also important to note that there is no Goddess of Love, such as Ishtar, Aphrodite and Venus in other cultures, but there were, throughout the legends, Maiden Goddesses made of flowers or fruit. The most important aspect of the Goddess is triune in nature - the Maiden, the Mother and the Crone - and most legends involve three Goddesses representing these three aspects.

The Legend of Blodeuwedd is also the story of Llew’s struggle for his kingship which was averted and made more difficult by the Goddess Arianrhod who tried Her best to prevent Llew, Her son, his birth-right due to the shame brought upon Her by his companions. (Another story which will be told later.) In short, Arianrhod stated that he would not receive a name, unless it be from Her; he would not receive his arms, unless it be from Her; and, he could never marry a mortal woman. Thus, he could not become king unless it be through Her auspices. In order to assure that Llew would survive long enough to attain his kingship, some magick was given to him in the form of the circumstances of his death. As has been typical of the Celts, his death could only be accomplished through a set of very unlikely and almost preposterous circumstances. He could not be killed indoors or out, on horse or on foot, and the spearhead capable of killing him had to be cast during a sacred period of time. Arianrhod was tricked into giving Llew his name and his arms but the larger problem of having a wife, which would assert his right to the land, was accomplished through the magick of his cousins, Math and Gwydion, who created Blodeuwedd from the flowers of the Oak, Broom and Meadowsweet. Due to the nature of Her Birth, Blodeuwedd - whose name means either ‘Flower Face’ or the ancient name for the Owl - and represents the Earth in full bloom. Through their marriage, Llew’s requirement of marrying the land and thus, his Sovereignty is completed. One day, Llew goes hunting, leaving Blodeuwedd alone with Her ladies in the castle. A young huntsman, Gronw, later seeks shelter and he and Blodeuwedd experience love at first sight. Wanting nothing more than to be together, Gronw persuades Blodeuwedd to discover the improbable circumstances surrounding Llew’s death, an act he would help to accomplish. The plan made, Gronw departs from Blodeuwedd and they remain separate for a long period of time, during which Blodeuwedd feigns anxiety concerning Llew’s death. Eventually, Her pleading persuades Llew to demonstrate these very circumstances in order to allay Her fears by showing Her his death could not be easily accomplished. They prepare a bath on a riverbank, covering it with a thatched roof, being neither indoors nor out. As Llew stands with one foot upon the edge of the tub and the other upon the back of a goat, Gronw throws the specially-made spear, hitting Llew in the side. Llew immediately turns into an eagle and flies off, later discovered and nursed back to health by his cousins, Math and Gwydion. When the two lovers are found, Gronw is killed and Blodeuwedd turned into an owl.

Due to the very circumstances of Her Birth, the actions of Blodeuwedd may be seen in a more sympathetic light. She was created from the flowers of a very powerful Tree - the Oak - and from flowers of an explicitly healing nature,in order to give power to Llew and to be able to continually heal and renew him. She is never asked whether She loves him or desires to marry him. She was created for his purposes, solely to assure his right to rule the land. Her Own desires are impossible to achieve while Llew lives and She is often seen as the epitome of non-assertive femininity, fickleness and the faithless wife, using the passion of two men for Her to seal the doom of both. In truth, Her supposed treachery creates the very conditions to enable Llew to experience the ritual death and rebirth commonly required of the Druidic priesthood, thus ensuring his kingship. Blodeuwedd is seen as a part of his hard and difficult destiny. Throughout Celtic legend, otherworldly women are created and utilized to represent the Land, which is definitely feminine in nature. Owl, the totemic representation of Blodeuwedd, signifies the complete transformation of the initiate as represented by Llew‚s virtual death and subsequent healing. She is signified by the Empress card of the Tarot. She is a Goddess of emotions, representing the matrix that reforms transpersonal and universal energies into well-defined life force. She is also the Maiden Goddess of initiation ceremonies and is known as the Ninefold Goddess of the Western Isles of Paradise. Flowers, the wisdom of innocence, Lunar Mysteries and initiation are Her provinces.

Winter Cymraes

Blodeuwedd Rising (Song for Hazel)
Summer 2007

by Jacqui Woodward Smith

Blodeuwedd, Magdalene of Springtime
Sweet flower face with wings of snow
You are the gateway to the seasons
Fierce in passion, eyes aglow

And You will rise in fearless beauty
Afraid of You, they change Your face
But we remember Your true nature;
Reclaim Your love, Reclaim Your place

Defiled and changed and called a whore
If whore You are then so am I
As whore I'll be Your temple priestess
And You will give me wings to fly

Reclaim the whore and rise in beauty
With Goddess spirit deep within
Knowing our own Goddess nature
How dare they name our passion sin!

No one can shackle or control You
Owl of Secrets, flying free
No chains to bind Your hungry spirit
With You beside, no chains on me

And we will rise in raging beauty
To be what we've been all along
When we can stand alone as equals
We will sing Blodeuwedd's song

They left us here in silent fury
Thought that they had won the game
But as we reclaim our ancient birthright
Blodeuwedd will rise again

And we will rise in naked beauty
Revealing all we have to give
Loving in the ways we choose to
Deciding how we want to live

They try to make us pretty blossoms
Deny our claws, deny our power
But we must claim our truth and freedom
To choose the owl, to choose the flower

And we will rise in powerful beauty
Surrender to Blodeuwedd's cry
She draws us to the path of moonlight
On owl wings we must learn to fly

No one has the right to harm us
To name and shame, abuse and scar us
Call us hag and call us bitch.
Reclaim the owl, reclaim the witch!

And we will rise in all our beauty
For we have heard Flower Face's call
Our bodies glowing with our passion
Both owls and flowers, Priestesses all!

©Jacqui Woodward Smith

Not sure where the image of Blodeuwedd is from. But it's lovely.

From The Wild Hunt blog.

Empowering A Culture of Suicide and Self-Hate.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

What would YOU call it then?

If an object or body part is inserted into a woman's vagina without her permission, what would you call it?


Would you still call it rape?

What WOULD you call it then? Please remember that rape isn't about sex, it's about power, the power over someone else.

(And yes, I am sure that it would horrify those medics involved to think that they may be participating in something as abhorrent as rape, but seriously people, when (why) do a woman's rights to say yes or no to something end when she is pregnant/giving birth?)

Friday, September 24, 2010


In the USA, a woman is executed, although she didn't actually murder anyone...

I appreciate that I won't know all the details in this matter, but essentially it is reported that Teresa Lewis has been executed for her part in the murder of her husband and stepson. However she didn't actually kill them. And the TWO MEN that did got life imprisonment...

I am not saying she shouldn't have been punished for her part in this awful event. But SHE DIDN'T PULL THE TRIGGER. SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE!

She had a limited mental capacity, one of the men in his suicide note wrote that HE instigated it all, and she didn't kill anyone.

But she has been executed all the same...


Monday, September 6, 2010

I Can't Git No Satisfaction...

When are we truly satisfied with our lot?

I can look at my life, and quite frankly I KNOW I have a lot that others don't have, and I am truly grateful for it. But there is this persistent niggle of dissatisfaction. It isn't really that I want what other people have, as on a material level I really don't care about those things. But there is something I don't have, and I want it.

Is the problem that I don't really know what it is though? Is it because I am unsatisfied with who I am? Do I really not like myself that much? (I don't think that is true. I mean, we all have those moments, but deep down, I think I am pretty alright actually.)

Is it because there are things that I thought I would achieved in my life by now, and I haven't? Perhaps, but there are things I have achieved that I would have never imagined doing, so it isn't just that.

I have now come back to this post a day later, and re-reading I do wonder what my problem is? I do have a tendency to pick at things that shouldn't be picked at, and then wonder why it is all coming apart. But there is something going on in my head that I need to get through. So please bear with me, while I sort it out..

Monday, August 30, 2010

Frozen Lyrics

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken

Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

If I could melt your heart

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Holiday part 2

We spent Sunday afternoon on the beach as the weather was nice. Owen and Josie had great fun paddling and making sandcastles. Well, I made the sandcastles and Josie the Destroyer stomped all over them! Neil and Owen went rockpooling and found a crab. (Photos are on FB).

Some sadness though, as apparently there was a beached whale at the beach as we left. I have looked it up to see what the news said about it, but if it was the news I found, I won't repeat it as it didn't end well, and was very sad. Fortunately the kids didn't notice, so it didn't put a downer on their day.

Met up with my friends who I was handfasting the next day, and drove to the beach where the ritual was to be. We chose a lovely spot in some sand dunes, sheltered from the elements and very pretty.

The next day was a bit of a rush getting ready and back down to the beach. It was a lovely sunny but rather windy day, so we were without candles.

The ritual itself is as follows,


I cast this circle to create sacred space
For the Handfasting of ........... and .............
I banish all that is unwanted and impure
That only those with Love in the hearts and soul may enter

I call the Spirits of the North
To join us to celebrate and bless this Union
Between ............ and ............
May you bring your Groundedness and Fertility to this couple.

I call the Spirits of the East
To join us to celebrate and bless this Union
Between .......... and ..........
May you bring your Powers of Clear Communication to this couple.

I call the Spirits of the South
To join us to celebrate and bless this Union
Between .......... and .........
May you bring your Passion and Vitality to this couple.

I call the Spirits of the West
To join us to celebrate and bless this Union
Between .......... and .........
May you bring Intuition and Friendship to this couple.

I call on you
Sacred Creatrix,
She who birthed the Universe
She whose love is eternal and has no limits
Maiden, Lover, Mother, Queen and Crone
Be with us now, and bless us all,
As we celebrate the Union of ............ and ..........

I call on you.
The Horned Lover,
He who gives us our purpose of Being and Lust for Life.
He who ignites us all.
Youth, Lover, Father, Consort and Sage
Be with us now, and bless us all.
As we celebrate the Union of ........... and .........

We have gathered today to witness and celebrate the Handfasting of .......... and ....... A handfasting is an ancient celebration of Union in front of family, friends and the Powers That Be. Unlike a marriage, there is no formal script or rules to follow, but it is a Sacred Agreement made between consenting adults who wish to commit their lives to each other.

Their hands are bound together as a symbol of their Union. It is a Union of Trust, Love, Lust and Friendship. (The key ingredients to a good relationship.) It is a bond that is placed with Love and Choice and represents Two Lives Living As One.

CALL .............. AND .......... TO THE CIRCLE

.................. and .............
You have come to proclaim your Love and Intention to create a Sacred Union in front of your Family, your Friends and most importantly your Gods. Do you enter with Love in your Hearts and Free Will in your Soul?

............. and ........... have invited us to share their Handfasting. I ask you to stand as we ask each Element for their blessing on this Union.

They ask,
“Will your Love survive the times of stillness and restriction?”
........ reply,
They say.
Then accept the blessing of the Element of Earth in this place of Winter. May your Union be strong and fruitful.

They ask,
“Will your Love survive the clear light of day?”
They say,
“Then accept this blessing of the Element of Air in this place of Spring. May your marriage be blessed by the light of every new dawn.”

They ask,
“Will your Love survive the harsh fires of Change?”
They say,
“Then accept this blessing of the Element of Fire in this place of Summer. May your home be filled with Warmth.”

They ask,
“Will your Love survive the ebb and flow of feeling?
They say,
“Then accept this blessing of the Element of Water in this place of Autumn . May your marriage be filled with Understanding and Support.”


.............. and ............., the Elements have blessed you and your marriage. Now, in front of the Universe and all that dwells within and without, you are about to join your love, lives and souls together in Sacred Union.

Are you both willing to do this?


(This is where the couple say their vows to each other.)

I use this cord as a symbol of your Blessed Union.
It holds you tightly but freely, supporting but not restricting.
As you both hold each other.

GODDESS, I ask you to bless your children,
who have come here to show and celebrate their commitment to each other.
May their love grow and be an example of True Love to us all.
Bless them with your bounty,
Bless them with your fruitfulness,
Show them your love through their love for each other and to their children.

HORNED ONE, I ask you to bless your children,
As they come before you to share their love and commitment to each other.
May their Passion for each other never fade.
Bless them with your Energy
Bless them with your Passion and Vitality
Show them your Love through their love for each other and to their children.


I declare that ........... and .......... are joined in Marriage.
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.
Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.
Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.
May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years,
May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth.

As a symbol of the start of their new lives together, ........... and .......... shall now jump over the Broomstick and enter into that new world as One.


You are now HUSBAND AND WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Toast again to ........... and .........

I ask that we depart from this place with the love and joy that this Union has created, and celebrate all of the love that we have in our lives. Remember that we love, and are loved, and this is truly what is celebrated today…..

We now give thanks and bide farewell to the Elements and PTBs that have honoured with their presence during this rite.

Beloved Lady, and Blessed Lord.
We thank you both for your presence and blessings of this Union
We bide you farewell with Love and Honour in our hearts for you always.
Be with us always and forever.
Blessed Be.

Elements and Spirits of the West
We thank you for your presence and your blessing.
We bid you farewell with Love and Honour in our hearts
Blessed Be.

Elements and Spirits of the South
We thank you for your presence and your blessing.
We bid you farewell with Love and Honour in our hearts
Blessed Be.

Elements and Spirits of the East
We thank you for your presence and your blessing.
We bid you farewell with Love and Honour in our hearts
Blessed Be.

Elements and Spirits of the North.
We thank you for your presence and your blessing.
We bid you farewell with Love and Honour in our hearts
Blessed Be.

I close this circle
May the love and blessings it enclosed be spread around us all.

We spent the rest of the day on the beach with my friends and their extended family. The children had a great time playing together, and Neil got a bit toasted by the Sun. We got home about 7/8pm ish and pretty much all fell into bed.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Back from Kernow (Cornwall)

We are back from our week alway in Cornwall. It was a lovely week, although rain and PMT did put a bit of a cloud over the latter end of the week. But only a little one. We stayed on a proper Cornish working farm, in what we think were converted stone Workers' Cottages. Very nice when it was dry, but once it started raining, they got damper and damper. They had 2 mental dogs, a border collie called Bess, and a 10 week old spaniel that hadn't been named yet!

The journey down was an absolute nightmare, and I am really glad that we made the decision to break the journey into two, by staying at a hotel in Ilchester, near Yeovil, Somerset. (In fact if you go to their website, that table is where we ate! :P) What should have been a 3 hour journey took 6 hours, and then the second half of the journey which was meant to be about 2 and a half hours took another 6 hours. To say I was sick of that car by the time we got there was an understatement to say the least.

However the sunshine made up for it, and we spent a few lovely days on the beach catching up with my college friend and her extended family. I did her and her man's handfasting which was a success (phew!) and everyone seemed enjoy and appreciate it, and ignore the few fumbles!

Unfortunately as I said, the weather turned, and I got cold and tired. We visited a couple of places that were meant to be good for bad weather but basically they were pants. A "Cornish Cider Barn" was nothing more than a glorified off license, and Roskilly's ice cream farm probably would have been better in the sunshine.

Read a lot. My mum splurged out on The Morganville Vampires series, and they made for an enjoyable takeyourbrainout read.

But now we are back home. Tired and a bit achey from all the travelling. Will possibly update a bit more later.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Serious Slumpage.

I am now entering the comedown stage of the awesomeness that was Sonisphere. You know, the bit where you realise that all that anticipation and enjoyment is now over and done with and we are back to mundane reality.

I know that I am going to Cornwall in a couple of weeks, but if I am honest, it doesn't have the same level of excitement that Sonisphere had.

So yeah, crappy mood has descended upon me. I know the reasons why. I just wish the emotional response to it all wasn't so clich├ęd. (It doesn't help that I am unlikely to see the friend that we went with for a really long time again, and I miss them lots when I don't see them.)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Back. Tired. Happy.


Sonisphere was truly MAGNIFICENT!

But you don't want to know what colour the bath water was once I got out of it when we were back home! :P

My inner RawkChick is sated for the time being.

However, one or two things from my 101/1001 list have been accomplished. :D

95) Go to a concert of someone familiar SONISPHERE
96) Go to a concert of someone completely random SONISPHERE

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Seriously exciting!

I am going to be doing the Handfasting of my bestest friend evah, and her lovely man


Fortunately I had a suspicion that I would be asked, so have been sorting it out in my head already.

But the thing that seems to be the most pressing at the moment is, WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?

(I have my priorities straight, oh yes I do!)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I iz a Rawk Chick!

In little over a week, I am off to THIS. I am so looking forward to it and rocking out all over the place. I haven't seriously had a Great Big Let It All Out moment, let alone weekend for SUCH A LONG TIME.

I will confess I am quite the control freak sometimes. Well, actually a lot of the time. Partly because I am a parent of young children, and you HAVE to be in control the whole damn time with them as it's your job. But even when I don't have to be, I still rein myself in a lot.

I am not sure why though. Is it because I know that if I let go then it might get a bit scary and wild? I keep lots of stuff tightly held up inside, because I don't want to scare people. I am a bit of a nutcase. Not in a psychotic way, just my view of life is often very different from other people. People share things with me, often expecting me to be appalled and shocked, and I am like, "whatever floats your boat". The real exception to that stuff that hurts other people. That ain't on. (And I mean hurt people in a malicious or illegal way, BDSM doesn't faze me whatsoever.)

Sometimes I do feel really confined into a little box of my own making. It isn't a horrible box that I need to escape from, just sometimes I need to get out and stretch myself and run around like a loon.

(More to come later. Maybe.)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Awesome Bloggings

T. Thorn Coyle says Wise and Good Things. (As per usual!)

T. Thorn Coyle is a respected teacher and author of Kissing the Limitless and Evolutionary Witchcraft and hosts the popular Elemental Castings podcast series. Founder and head of Solar Cross Temple and Morningstar Mystery School, she has a spiritual direction and mind/body coaching practice that reaches people internationally.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Past entries.

Anyone fancy reading through my past entries and a) telling me what a fantabulous and witty writer I truly am, and b) just commenting on things you might find interesting?

Pweety pweeeze wif sugah on top.

This isn't just a blatant "validate me" cry (well, it is a bit!) but when I updated my blog to the Intense Debate comments doobrywotsit, I lost all the comments I had.

Or would it be easier if I just posted some links of old entries of ones that I think people might find Interesting Thought-provoking, Funny, Insert Appropriate Adjective Of Your Choice?

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Oh Muse, where art thou?

I want to be an Artist.
I want to be Artistic.
It just isn't happening.

When I was at school, I loved art. (I still love art.) My art teacher was lovely and encouraging and all those good things that teachers should be. However when I reached GCSE age, I had a new teacher. He was not lovely and encouraging. He had his set favourites in his class, and I blatantly wasn't one of them. He absolutely sucked the joy out of me.

It has taken me literally years to recover. However, my problem is that the years of inactivity have taken its toll and I am quite frankly crap now. I tried drawing when I went away for the wedding a few weeks back, and actually got a bit upset about how rubbish I am now.

Now I know that I do have a bit of talent, buried somewhere. I can look back at my artwork from my school days, and see the talent there. But how do I get it back again?

(I know the answer, I just need to work through it and JUST DO IT!)

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Your Inner Kiddo.

Taken from here.

This is such a good idea. Too often we say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to anyone else because it would be too mean. Why?

Watch this Vlog from Kris Carr of Crazy Sexy Life.

Monday, June 28, 2010

A-Z of why these cuts are mad

We are going to hammered with some serious cuts to public spending. Basically the government is using our tax money to pay back our tax money that was used to bail out the banks when they screwed us over so monumentally. So we are having our money taken from us, to pay back the money that was taken from us...


a) the biggest waste in our economy is unemployment not spending
b) we’ve lower debt:GDP than most EU/G8 nations
c) the money is owed to us
d) the payoff on public services’s > our loan interest
e) Italy’s credit rating is far below ours but they only pay slightly more interest
f) where else will bond markets lend?
g) how can we have export led growth as the EU collapses
h) why is growth meant to be led by the banks?
i) raising the personal allowance gives more to the rich than the poor
j) VAT is the most regressive tax
k) what happened to green investment?
l) WTF is this I hear about first children only?
m) scrapping child trust funds while promising cuts to inheritance tax is fair?
n) cutting jobs hits the poor first (are you listening @guardian?)
o) we still remember you cut uni places – crushing a generation’s hopes
p) universities have the biggest jobs multiplier of anything, so cutting their funding is the thing most likely to cause a double dip
q) Tories have always opposed proper funding for public services
r) the long term economic costs of the human strife of austerity are huge
r) the deficit has already naturally dropped by more than Osborne said he wanted it to this year, & will half by 2015
s) taxes on the top take fewer jobs away
t) it took decades to build the public services he wants to ruin
u) the economists against this tend to be those who predicted this mess
v) what’s the point of a triple A rating if you can’t borrow in a 100 year recession?
w) our loans are very long term
x) we have big assets
y) the richest 1000 people have seen their wealth increase by 30% in a year – half the value of the deficit
z) Osborne is trying to save the economy by destroying the economy. That’s as crazy as it sounds. That is all

Saturday, June 26, 2010

1st anniversary of 101 Things In 1001 Days.

How is it going?


101 Things In 1001 Days

I have done SIX things. That is quite slack. That's just under 6%.

4) Investigate laser eye treatment. DONE - CAN'T HAVE IT, EYES TOO WONKY
7) Buy myself a decent pair of trainers. DONE - Bought MBTs
31) Start/join a Goddess group - DOING
59) Go to a Farmer's Market DONE - new one to go every other month at least
93) Go vegetarian for a month - DONE, AND STILL DOING
94) Go vegan for a week - DONE

I have one year and 9months to go. I SHALL GET OFF MY ARSE AND DO IT!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Make A Radical Change

“Make a radical change in your lifestyle & begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances & yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, & conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, & hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new & different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security & adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning & its incredible beauty.” — Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Oh yeah. And there's this too.


Uncomfortable posting.

But I am gonna have to say this.

The oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico is a tragic, awful, indescribable horror. And BP should be held accountable, should be making more effort to clear up this catastrophic mess. We all, as citizens of this planet should be doing all we can to help out.

The US government is right in saying that BP should be held accountable and set money aside to deal with this.


I have one word to say.


That said, I don't blame the US people that a US company caused such devastation on foreign soil.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Really snoresome update.

Couldn't think of a title, and general update is really boring. So random keys it is.

Since the last time I have updated, there hasn't been that much news. Am slowly, slowly getting the garden sorted, even if the slugs and snails have eaten one of my corguette plants. (Gits) Will send Hubs out for a crappy beer or something, and hopefully drown the buggers. So far I have french beans, runner beans, petit pois, corguettes, pumpkins, peppers, chillis, strawberries, raspberries, an apple tree, a pear tree (although those I don't think I will get any fruit from yet). I also have oregano, thyme, lovage, basil, parsley, chives, chamomile, lavender, rosemary and dill growing in various pots.

I need to clear up around the pond, and see if I can resurrect it. It would be lovely to have an actual pond, rather than the stagnant swamp I have at the mo. It has a buddlia at the back of it that I planted last year which is growing well, and I have some broken clay pots at the back as DIY toadhomes.

Other than that, the lawn is awful, with bare patches. But I will get there eventually.

Kiddywinks are well, Hubs is doing okay at work. They really do like him there which is always a bonus. However, we have come to the decision that we HAVE to be moving next year. It will either be because the maternity leave that Hubs is covering will finish and the woman will come back, which will be the end of the Christmas term. Or preferably, Hubs will take his current year 10s through year 11, and we will be moving in the summer hols. We still really have NO idea where, but we will just have to see where the jobs come up. Obviously we have preferences, but it is really just a case of wait and see.

Hubs' dad is still suffering, but he is off to his consultant tomorrow, so hopefully they will be able to offer him something that helps.

I was down in Cornwall the last weekend of May. It was lovely down there, just wish I could drive (and had a car) so could have got around more. However it was very peaceful, the B&B was nice, and we are hoping to get down there again for the Summer hols. My friend's wedding was lovely, but it was a bit weird not having Hubs and the kids there.

This weekend just gone, we went to the Colchester Mediaeval Faire (Oysterfaire) it was nice, but I think DD got a bit hot and tired, so was grumpier than I appreciated. The stuff there was really nice, and I could have bought lots of things, but since we really don't need any of it, have nowhere to put any of it, there was no real point. (Boooo) However we did get DS a Robin Hood outfit (it looks really cool) and DD had a Fair Maiden's headpiece thing. Didn't get anything for myself. Which was disappointing. However some of the stalls are online, so I will be perusing those while Hubs is in the mood for spending money! :D

Perhaps at some point I will have some interesting and outstanding news...This isn't one of them.

Many of Horror - Biffy Clyro

Recommended by a friend. And posted as I am such a sucker for the slightly twisted mushy rock ballads.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Good news. (Hubs' dad)

It's not cancer. Apparently they found nothing suspicious in the MRI or Cat scan. After lots more prodding and poking they have decided that it is radiation burning from the radiotherapy he had for the prostate cancer.*

So yes, while this is horrid, painful and life-limiting, it isn't life-threatening.

Thank you Universe, for listening to me and not hitting us with this.

*Scroll down if you want the painful details.*

The insides of his rectum and colon are burnt and raw. So you can imagine the pain he is in. But at least it won't kill him.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Walk on by, nothing to see here...

I don't really know where to start, so if this sounds like whinging mindless drivel, then you'd be right. It is. My mood hasn't really been that great for a while really. Knowing the reasons why doesn't make it any easier to deal with. There are a number of things going on in my life which I don't really want or need, but they are there all the same.

I am just so tired, fed up, cross, and generally not "at one with the world". And FinL's new cancer diagnosis is possibly the last straw. Once again, I have to be strong and supportive, and be there for Hubs. And you know what my reaction to that is right now? Well, it isn't great. It basically seems to boil down to, "FFS! Again?

I am the one constantly cheerleading from the homefront, telling everyone that things will get better, we will be alright, our situation will sort itself out, and you know what, it's hard fucking work being Pollyanna all the time, especially when it isn't particularly natural to you.

I am naturally a pessimistic moany old Bitch. I can't do nice all the time. But that's all I am doing at the moment. The only people I socialise with are my family, and quite frankly a lot of time, they are the people I have issues with. Unfair perhaps, but still true.

I am supporting Hubs because of his family's health (and the impact it could have on his). I have been supporting through the utter shit that his old school caused him, and will support him if this contract does end in December. I am supporting my mum, since my dad is being his normal ignorant, arrogant arsey self, her work is being shit, and generally she isn't particularly happy either at the moment. But since she is going through all of that, there is no way I can burden any of my crap on her, and quite frankly even if I did, there isn't anything she could do or say about it, so what's the point?

My brother is trying to get his act together in some aspects and not so much on others. The fact he is nearly 26, jobless, girlfriendless and quite honestly has no life means that he is a bundle of joy to be around at the moment as well.

I have gotten so good at pretending everything is alright, that everyone believes me when I say I am fine.

I am not fine. I haven't been for a while now.

Monday, May 10, 2010


It looks like the Liberal Democrats are going to make a coalition government with the Conservatives. My title for my previous post seems very apt. We are being Hung Out To Dry.

I can't imagine that there is a Liberal Democrat out there at grassroots level who actually wants this to happen. The only good thing that could possibly come out of this, is that the Tories will make a complete pigs ear out of it, and will be voted out again within a year. However, as much as that would be a good thing to happen, in the meantime the damage would have already been done. Both to this country and to the Liberal Democrats.

I CANNOT see how a Liberal Democrat can get into bed with a Conservative. Their political views are just so different from each other.

Friday, May 7, 2010


Okay, that was a pretty useless attempt at humour, but I actually don't know what to say, the United Kingdom has a Hung Parliment! BLOODY HELL! This is when no political party has an outright majority of seats to create a governnment. What usually happens is that an agreement is made with 2 parties to unite and create a coalition.

Basically, this means that the Liberal Democrats with either break a deal with the Conservatives, OR Labour to create a government...

I have no IDEA what this means for the UK.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The UK General Election

is 2 days away. I have absolutely no enthusiasm for it. That doesn't mean that I won't be voting, I definite will be. Unfortunately I have no enthusiam for who I will be voting for. It will be a tactical vote, made to help stop unwanted candidates from getting in.

What this election has done, is opened my eyes up to see there are things that I had previously realised, but have really become obvious in the last few months. I have always known that I must be wired differently for the majority of other people, but politics is the one area where that difference becomes very apparent.

My politics are Green, and I cannot get my head around the fact that there are people out there that don't believe in Climate Change, don't realise that the Environmental issues are probably going to be the most important factors for EVERYONE in the next 100 years. I don't understand those that think the Economy can grow and grow, and we became richer and richer, consume more and more, and it not have any kind of impact? What planet are these people living on?

I am sick of short-term knee-jerk politics where politicians and big business look only to line their own pockets and never see further into the future to see what impact their policies have on our lives.

I do not understand people who blame economic downturns on a particular type of people. We are not in a recession because we have too many immigrants, or because the politicians took liberties with their finances, we are in the shits because the b(w)ankers took the royal piss out of us all, took our money, lost it, and then expected us to give them more of it, without ever giving it back. Yes, politics should be clean and transparent, but you know what? So should fucking Banking! Give us our money back, you shitheads!

(My inner conspiracy theorist found it very interesting that the politicans' finances fraud neatly replaced the banking fiasco story. You know, the one where the banks lost BILLIONS of our money, compared to the politicians' smaller amount. Now I am not saying that the politicians shouldn't have been brought to book about what they did, but in the big picture, why wasn't more done about the b(w)ankers?)

I read the Green Party's Manifesto. It makes sense to me. But I wonder how many people out there have actually read the manifesto of the political party they are going to vote for.

Am I really so weird that I try to make informed decisions about things in my life? Am I really so odd that I can see the bigger picture and want to do something about it? Why am I wired so differently from so many other people?

*People I am friends with tend to also see the big picture and care about stuff, which is probably why I am friends with them in the first place. Just a shame most of them are only on the interwebz*

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Day I don't bloody know.

I think it's day 13, but the diet has slid into nonexistance if I am truly honest. This cold is now the Evil Cold, and is hanging around for much too long. Especially since we are having some lovely weather at the moment, and I am not enjoying it as much as I should be.

Missed out on a friend's 40th birthday celebration last night, which annoyed me, but I am just not well enough. Hopefully it will be kicked to the kerb soon, as I am beyond fed up with it now.

ION, I am off to SONISPHERE at the end of July. Should be good, however I will obviously have to just suck up the blatent sexism that goes on at these things. Such a shame as I really like the music, but the misogynistic bullshit that goes along with it is just fucked up.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Day 8.

The diet isn't going too well at the moment. I have the mother of all colds. It isn't detoxing, since the kids have had it as well, and they aren't doing the diet (obviously). But what this means is my energy levels are severely lacking at the moment.

Other than that, Hubs is coming around to the healthy eating marlarky, (although his first attempt at a Green Smoothie did leave something to be desired.)

ION, have bought 2 hanging baskets for strawberries and tumbling tomatoes, and 2 pots of grow your own salads. Hopefully I should feel well enough to get out in the garden to do some stuff out there. I have just watched Grow Your Own Drugs and it has made me want a chamomile seat. However, Hubs has said we don't really have room, so might have to wait until the next house! (Booooo, but he has a point.)

But if anyone out there feels like sending me some anti-germ vibes, it would be much appreciated.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Day 1.

I have started a 28 day Adventure Cleanse Tune up. I am getting my ACT together!! It is low fat, high fibre, vegan wholefood, detox which Neil and I will be doing for the next 4 weeks. This is day one.

So far, so good. Weeing a lot, and not hungry with all the veggies that are being eaten, so this is a good start. I am hoping that any detox side effects will be minimal. (Although this week I have my period, so mood swings may be related to that.)

I have done 10 mins on the Wii, gone on a bike ride, and am about to go for a walk. There will be more Wii this evening I imagine.

I am trying to work out what to have for dinner though.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Woot! I got Chos'Ed!

Seriously I am that pathetic, it has made my day! Am not entirely sure what I have been chosen for, but hey, its the choosing that counts.

So first off, thanks, Magaly from Pagan Culture, I have never been chosen for nuffink before! ;)

"Here are the rules of the beautiful blogger award:
1. Thank the person who gave you this award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!
4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award.

1) Did that bit

2) Seven things about me;
- I am going to get all my hair cut off tomorrow and dyed wacky colours. (Yes, I am *cough* 36 years old, but I am tired of looking like a frumpy cow.)
- When I was a wee girl I wanted to be a policewoman.
- I can make my arms look like they are on the wrong way round.
- I am addicted to the internet.
- I AM going to sort out my garden this year and make it both beautiful and practical. (Much like me! :P)
- I want to go to more foreign countries, but can't justify the environmental impact.
- Have recently realised that I have been Pagan for about 20 years. Which makes me feel both really old, and that I should know more Stuff! :D

3) The blogs that I have chosen are:
Bohemian Shadows New
Another blog of the same above person, Holistic Mum
The Compost Bin Not New

Ummm, now I am going to be a bit crap, as I haven't really looked at any new blogs for a while, but I promise to have a poke around and see what I can come up with. :D

Friday, March 19, 2010


I think I need to write this list and get it out that I am grateful for a lot of things. Yes, things are a bit shit at the moment, but I have to keep things into perspective, because if I don't, I will go stark raving bonkers and really, not in a good way.

* I am grateful to my parents, particularly my mum for bringing me up to be the strong woman I am now.
* I am grateful to my parents for having me and keeping me in the first place.
* I am grateful for my husband and his love for me.
* I am grateful for the blessed beings of my children in my life. The joy they bring me is beyond compare.
* I am grateful that although we aren't rich in material things, we have enough to live in relative comfort.
* I am grateful that we have a roof over our heads, even if it is cramped and messy.
* I am grateful for my mind.
* I am grateful for my female body.
* I am grateful for the friends in my life that mean so much to me.
* I am grateful for the magick in my life.

I am also grateful for...
music, chocolate, vampire fiction, fantasy fiction, dogs, cats, babies, red, pink, purple, sparkles, glitter, fairies, paint, computers, internet, candles, fire, dragons, art, cakes, raspberries, kisses, long hot undisturbed baths, comfy shoes, sexy shoes, comfy bras and knickers, sexy bras and knickers. David Tennant, scifi, Dr Who. BBC, beer, wine, vodka (but not all at once) cooking, drawing, flowers, trees, bushes, muppets, freedom, reading, tattoos...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

One of the worst weeks.

Neil didn't get the job he applied for. The job that would have transformed our lives. Not because he wasn't good enough, or didn't have the right skills. But because the previous person decided that they didn't want to leave the job, so the job advertised doesn't exist anymore.

Am royally hacked off.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Last night was a traumatic one. In more ways than one.

There was a Murder-Suicide upstairs in the flat directly above us. I heard it happen although at the time I didn't realise what I had heard. We think that the Husband killed his Wife and then turned the gun on himself. Or it could have been the other way round, but we don't know right now. What we do know is that the man and the woman are dead from gunshot wounds to the head.

This afternoon we heard noises that we didn't think much of, since they are always noisy and argumentative. This evening all hell breaks loose with members of the family kicking the door in (which was locked) and the screaming that commenced. We concentrated on keeping the kids away from the door, and I got my other neighbour's 10 year old lad in as well, as his mum had rung an ambulance, and was trying to give CPR on the ambulance service operator's instructions. Even though she could tell that they were dead.

We have just given our limited statements to the police. And we are now off to bed.

I don't want to be living here anymore. Seriously

Thursday, March 4, 2010


Waiting. I seem to spend a lot of my time waiting. Waiting for people to ring, text me, turn up, but at the moment we are waiting for what could possibly one of the most important decisions in our lives so far.

We are waiting to see if Neil has been successful in getting a job. Now that doesn't sound particularly unusual, but this job happens to be on the other side of the world. We will find out if he has it some point next week. Next week isn't that far away, but it feels like an eternity.

I hate waiting.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


I promise I will try and post something worthwhile up soon. But I can't help myself with this one.

david tennant
see more Lol Celebs

Monday, February 8, 2010

Jump! By Me (so be nice!)

“Just hold my hand and jump” the boy with the bright blue eyes said to me. “Trust me, I won’t let you go.” We run together, heading towards the cliff top. Our bare feet crush the salty grass that grows along the edge. My heart is beating in my mouth; I look at him, this fire-red haired boy, grinning as we head towards the sea.
The edge of the cliff gets closer and closer. Panic starts to rise in my stomach; I slow down involuntarily. My companion looks at me, pulling harder. His brilliant white smile doesn’t calm me down, but I realise the inevitability of our actions. I know I am going to follow him. That I will jump. I always jump. Suddenly, we are at the edge, there is nowhere to stop, nowhere to turn around, the only place to go is forwards, always forwards. Together we jump. All around us is silent, I can hear nothing but the pounding of my heart as transformed we fly for those seconds before nature takes its course and we plummet forever downwards.
The Sylphs dance around our bodies as we free-fall to the sea. Will the Undines be so welcoming when we meet them? We hit the water. Holding our breath as the salty brine covers our heads. We are still holding hands as we plunge further down. Disorientated, all that I am I have forgotten. All I know is this moment, this one instant of time and space. I open my eyes; all around me are bubbles of air in the green/blue expanse. I see him swimming next to me, still smiling. He seems so at ease in the water, like a true natural spirit. He looks up to the brighter water above us and we swim to the surface.
Breaking through, I breathe again noisily. I cannot describe the exhilaration that fills my body. I scream his name, he laughs at me and kisses me.
“When can we do this again?” I ask.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Being A Weirdo.

I am proud to say that I have been a Weirdo my entire life! (As in an odd, eccentric, or unconventional person, not a scary psycho!)

I have my moments of wanting to fit in with the normal people, but often I find that the normal people aren't very accomodating. Normal people like everyone to be the same, have the same views, ideas and beliefs, and they don't think very highly of those that dare to be different.

I can't help being different. I have always danced to my own tune, and my children do too. Unfortunately for my son, he goes to school with all the normal people's children who are all learning to be normal too. So he is feeling it a bit at the moment, on the one hand wanting to fit in, but on the other knowing that he really doesn't in his heart.

I find that the internet has opened the door to those who don't think, do or feel that same as the majority of other people. It ranges from just us types that are just apart from the mainstream to those that are completely out there. (No offense, but Otherkin Na'vi? WTF?)

Being weird in my books usually makes you a more thoughtful person. Not necessarily a clever person, but one that at least takes the time to think things through before making a judgement or decision. A weirdo is not a Daily Mail reader. (And if they are, it is usually for the WTF quality.) A weirdo knows how to think outside the box. A weirdo doesn't want or need to be validated by meaningless standards.

Being a weirdo is cool

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Being Vegan...

I am coming up to the end of my 21 days of being vegan. I would say I have been about 75% successful. I certainly have been vegetarian the entire time, and plan to continue. The veganism has been harder work simply because there have been occasions where I haven't checked the labels properly, and there have been those "extra" ingredients. (And once I completely fell off the vegan wagon with a veggie pizza!) However, I did do 7 days of veganism, so have completed that part of my 101/1001 days.

Another problem I have found is that I can't just afford to replace stuff that we already have, so it is a case of use it all up first, and then get a vegan subsitute. Eating out can problematic as most restaurants can just about cope with the idea of vegetarianism, but veganism just blows their minds. As for having dinner at other peoples' then I think it will depend on who they are, some will cope better with veganism than others.

Hubs isn't completely sure about the veganism. He is supportive up to a point, I just think he feels it is a bit weird. The kids like some of the stuff, and it does mean that the whole family is eating more vegetables.

It is a work in progress. The vegetarianism is just a given now, but I will have to try harder with the veganism.

Monday, January 11, 2010


What is Friendship?

1. the state of being a friend; association as friends: to value a person's friendship.
2. a friendly relation or intimacy.
3. friendly feeling or disposition.

2. harmony, accord, understanding, rapport.

Throughout a person's life, friendships tend to be quite fluid and ever-changing. As we move from school to work, through different relationships, marriage, parenthood etc, the people that we consider to be friends can differ quite considerably. As children and teenagers, our friends are usually felt to be the most important people in our lives, surpassing parents and family. As adults we keep some of our childhood friends, and shed others. We develop more through different stages of our lifes, and again, they change as we get older.

I don't think we get to a point in our lives where we don't need friends. And it can be very hard when they are scarce on the ground. I know that people say "oh, my partner is my best friend" which is true, I do consider my husband to be my best friend. Just, he is one of my best friends. There are things that I don't want to share with him, that he doesn't need to know, that sometimes need to be whinged about by someone else who cares, but doesn't care too much!

A best friend can be just a phonecall away, but sometime a friend needs to be there in Real Life too. Which makes it hard when you don't have that person anymore.

And there I shall stop. Otherwise this may turn into a whine.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

"Daughter" by Nicole Blackman

Photo by me - DO NOT NICK!

A poem by Nicole Blackman

One day I'll give birth to a tiny baby girl
and when she's born she'll scream and I'll make sure
she never stops.

I will kiss her before I lay her down
and will tell her a story so she knows
how it is and how it must be for her to survive.

I'll tell her about the power of water
the seduction of paper
the promise of gasoline
and the hope of blood.

I'll teach her to shave her eyebrows and
mark her skin.

I'll teach her that her body is
her greatest work of art.

I'll tell her to light things on fire
and keep them burning.

I'll teach her that the fire will not consume her,
that she must take it and use it.

I'll tell her to be tri-sexual, to try anything
to sleep with, fight with, pray with anyone,
just as long as she feels something.

I'll help her do her best work when it rains.
I'll tell her to reinvent herself every 28 days.
I'll teach her to develop all her selves,
the courageous ones,
the smart ones,
the dreaming ones
the fast ones.

I'll teach her that she has an army inside her
that can save her life.

I'll tell her to say Fuck like other people say The
and when people are shocked
to ask them why they so fear a small quartet
of letters.

I'll make sure she always carries a pen
so she can take down the evidence.
If she has no paper, I'll teach her to
write everything down on her tongue
write it on her thighs.

I'll help her to see that she will not find God
or salvation in a dark brick building
built by dead men.

I'll explain to her that it's better to regret the things
she has done than the things she hasn't.

I'll teach her to write her manifestos
on cocktail napkins.
I'll say she should make men lick her enterprise.

I'll teach her to talk hard.
I'll tell her that her skin is the
most beautiful dress she will ever wear.

I'll tell her that people must earn the right
to use her nickname,
that forced intimacy is san ugly thing.

I'll make her understand that she is worth more
with her clothes on.

I'll tell her that when the words finally flow too fast
and she has no use for a pen
that she must quit her job
run out of the house in her bathrobe,
leaving the door open.
I'll teach her to follow the words.

I'll tell her to stand up
and head for the door
after she makes love.
When he asks her to
stay she'll say
she's got to

I'll tell her that when she first bleeds
when she is a woman,
to go up to the roof at midnight,
reach her hands up to the sky and scream.

I'll teach her to be whole, to be holy,
to be so much that she doesn't even
need me anymore.
I'll tell her to go quickly and never come back.
I will make her stronger than me.

I'll say to her never forget what they did to you
and never let them know you remember.

Never forget what they did to you
and never let them know you remember.

Poem by Nicole Blackman
Photo by me, DO NOT NICK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


We have lots and lots of snow.

DS is off on a SnowDay from school, but Hubs has got into work, but I am a bit concerned about how he is going to get home again!

We will be out later to go make snowpeople, snowangels, and to have snowfights. Josie has seen snow before (last week) but hasn't really experienced it properly. When it snowed last year, she was too little to be taken out of the bebe-carrier.

I love snow. I know it can be problematic, but as usual what is actually the problem is our response to snow, rather than the snow itself. It isn't like we aren't told it is probably going to snow. So we should be able to get enough food in, etc etc to cope with what is usually little more than a day or 2 of not being able to get to the shops. (I can, as I walk there, as long as it is open that is!)

We will play in the snow, make hot choc, with marshmallows (well, the kids will have them, they have egg in them! :( ) We will make bean stew or butternut squash curry, and we will be warm and cosy. Which I am very grateful for.

Monday, January 4, 2010

First dose of 2010 cutezzzzz


The Gaian Tarot - What will 2010 bring me?


3 - the Gardener
Sensuality, creativity, abundance

It is a time of great fertile and abundant opportunities for you. You are pregnant with new creations — an art form, a book, a project, even a baby. You embody both the nurturing Mother and the sensual Lover. You are a steward of the land when you plant, weed and nourish your garden in a sustainable manner. At harvest time, you offer the best possible of all foods to those whom you love. You are a hard worker, but you take great delight in the scent of lavender fields on a hot summer day and the dizzying riot of color, shapes and textures in the garden. You love your own body; you love your mate, your children, your friends, your community; you love the natural world around you. Your appetite for connection, sensuality and creativity seems boundless. The people around you are blessed to have you in their lives.


9 - the Hermit
Sacred solitude

You are being challenged to spend time in sacred solitude. You need to withdraw from the world to focus on your inner life and spirituality. Perhaps you have been wounded in the "wars of the world," or perhaps you are fatigued and empty from putting out so much energy, especially if you are a caregiver. Your well is empty and it needs to be filled. Take some time out for a retreat. Go away to the mountains or the sea, by yourself, without partner or friends. Spend time outside in nature, observing the changes in your environment day by day. Your inner wisdom and sense of well-being will grow effortlessly the more time you spend outside. When you once again enter community life, others will be drawn to the light they see inside you and may come to you for guidance. For part of your purpose is to share what you've learned with others.


2 - the High Priestess
Dreams, voices and visions

Resolution comes through intuition and going within. Pay close attention to your dreams, as they may carry potent messages for you. Let your intuition flow. Listen for the subtext in the words of others; hear the words they don't speak out loud. Watch for synchronicities and omens in your everyday life. Study the "dark arts" of divination — reading the cards, astrology, scrying, interpreting dreams. Listen for voices in the wind, look for patterns in the clouds. Meditate. Study the language of symbol and myth. At the dark of the moon, or when your wise blood flows, listen to the still small voice within. It is Her voice, and it speaks of mysteries, secrets, and truth.


The Faeries' Oracle - What will 2010 bring me?

Using The Faeries' Oracle by Brian Froud

It is time to accept change, to move on to the next phase. Power and strength in the present and future come from releasing the past. This is a time of liberation, and we might as well cooperate with it. It will happen, whether we want it to or not. Release and liberation may be painful or joyful, depending on the circumstances. Cry if you need to, be joyful if that is appropriate, but in either case trust the process, acknowledge what you feel, and prepare to move on.

Ultimately, Lys is trying to help people develop true self-respect and self-esteem, but she has to start much further down the scale of idealism than that. She tries to inspire practical help for those who need it most. She is the inspiration for the first wobbly steps taken toward healing by a damaged soul. Her presence in a reading indicates that something that had seemed lost and fixed in that loss is now open to healing. Someone is ready to begin, with help, the climb out of the inner mire. There is hope here, and a need for loving kindness tempered by practicality. If you call upon Lys for assistance in helping another, she will always give it, often by encouraging them to be receptive and others to also be helpful. She always has time to support those who have time for others.

Epona's Wild Daughter, Dorcha, is the sphinx, whose riddles must be answered lest we otherwise be destroyed by our own internal conflicts. Dorcha reminds us that we cannot go forward until we have faced something buried within us that is holding us back. Her presence in a reading tells us that finding and working through this is a task of some urgency. We can expect help in this from other people, from the faeries, and from our dreams, but we must be open to these difficult questions and answers and be ready to face things about ourselves that are not as we would wish them to be. She urges us to heal the unresolved issues about who we really are and what we truly want to be. This is part of the required course in Self Transformation 101 that we are all enrolled in here on Planet Earth. The answers to her riddles often come in a sudden burst of enlightenment, like the 'solution' to a Zen koan. We may watch a leaf fall or catch a glimpse of the tiny sliver of the new moon in the sky and suddenly be hit by the answer. Before that happens, we usually work long and hard upon the question, searching and digging for an answer. The realization, when we really have it, will be transformative; we will no longer be the people that we once were. You don't like this interpretation? Well, I have been telling you all along that we (you and I and everyone else) will all receive varying messages from the faeries in the cards. Yours may well differ from mine. Ask Dorcha what message she has for you--and don't be surprised if her answer is another question or riddle. She and I both wish you well in solving it with all our hearts.