I have finally finished reading the Fifty Shades trilogy. And Wow! Just Wow... but so not in a good way. Firstly however,I will make the caveat that if it floats your boat, then absolutely Fair Play to you. It just sank mine to the depths. I think that this probably is my biggest issue with the series. I have no issue, if you find these books sexy. What I do have a massive issue with, is the assumption that all women should find this sexy. These books have been touted to be ’the user’s guide for women’. While this may have been said with a certain amount of humour, I don’t find this funny. To be told that this is what all women want is both highly irritating and nauseating.
The media explosion surrounding these books fills me with disgust. Along with the Twilight fervour, the open acceptance of the constant manipulation and denigration of women is unreal. I mention Twilight because it is well known that the characters Edward and Bella were the inspiration for EL James’ stories. Both sets of novels present damaged and dangerous ’ideals’ of relationships. Downtrodden and despondent teenager Bella and her manipulative, but rich and beautiful Edward with his barely contained violence. Naive Ana, twenty one years old, but almost idiotically (and unrealistically) innocent and the rich, handsome, but damaged Christian with his barely contained violence. I can’t imagine that barely contained violence is s turn on for most women. Books like this make it seem that it is the case.
I know girls as young as nine who have read the Twilight saga. Learning that it is okay for an one hundred and eleven year old man to ask you to lie to your friends and family, to sit in your bedroom and watch you sleep. That it is okay for him to dictate all the boundaries within your illicit relationship. To tell you he wants to kill you. That all this is fine, as long as he is beautiful and tells you that he loves you.
Ana and Christian’s relationship is no less dysfunctional. His irrational need to control Ana’s every move. His constant bullying that’s for her own good since she is unable to care for herself properly. His statements that he really would like to hurt her. Again, this is portrayed as acceptable. Christian constantly warns Ana that he is no good for her, he isn't what she wants or needs, but at the same time manipulating her into wanting to save the sad little boy he truly is inside. Both girls are made out to be at fault for wanting what they shouldn't have.
This once again perpetuates the idea that woman are somehow at fault for succumbing to such manipulations. It is always her fault if she believed the ’I Love Yous’ after the nasty comments and vicious blows.
These novels set a dangerous precedent that if he is gorgeous and loves you despite all of your faults (that he has pointed out to you), then none of his behaviour is unforgivable. And anyway, if it is, then your love can change him, no matter what. Both Bella and Ana behave in ways that shocked me as a reader, both in their naivity and passivity. Although they are the lead character in the books, they just didn't make me have any emotional rapport with them. They are all cardboard cutouts of human beings, no real emotions, just superficiality and sparkle.
The BDSM within the books didn't shock me in any way. As Christian describes sex with no toys or added extras as “vanilla”, the “kinky fuckery” is probably raspberry ripple at most. What did annoy me a lot though, was the impression given that those with BDSM tendencies have them due to some kind of damage that has been done to them in the past.
[SPOILERS ALERT]
Christian is into BDSM because when his birthmother was a “crack-whore” who neglected him while her pimps abused him. He was adopted at four, but then was sexually assaulted and abused for years by an older woman (a family friend). Not only do all Christian’s issues stem from abuse from women, there is a disturbing implication that BDSM is caused by some kind of sexual abuse. BDSM is a lifestyle choice, probably not understood by the majority of people outside of the culture, but it isn’t something evil and nasty. Although characters within the books state there is nothing wrong with it, there is very much the underlying message that there is.
Plot aside, it just isn't particularly well written. Especially when it is meant to be erotica. Coyness is all well and good, and yes, I understand that the author is meant to be portraying a young, innocent, and naive woman, but personally I found it to be annoying and rather vacuous to constantly read “he kissed me ’there’” instead of her vulva, vagina, cunt, pussy or other more descriptive words. I understand that these words may be too medical or too vulgar, but seriously there are a more poetic ways to describe your genitals if you actually think about it and use your imagination. “There” isn't very concise language. The whole point of “there” is it could be anywhere. Her elbow? Armpit? Left nostril? Surely a writer can use their imagination to find a more fitting description without upsetting anyone's sensibilities.
Ana’s character is just too unrealistic for me. Virginity aside, to have had no sexual attraction or sensation until she mets her Mr Grey is frankly too unbelievable. I have no issue with a twenty one year old virgin, but to have never even fancied anyone before is beyond belief. It is said that Christian has had no adolescence, but neither has Ana. This is an adolescent relationship based on physical attraction and manipulation. Hardly healthy in any shape or form.
And yet, this is something we as women are meant to aspire to? She has had no experiences with the opposite sex other than some feeble “making out” sessions. The amount of time that it takes for Ana and Christian to meet, fall in love, and decide to marry is ridiculous. But I suppose this was meant to inject the romance that was lacking. In a matter of weeks, Ana has cured Christian of his “sadistic” ways and by their honeymoon he can no longer bear to see restraint marks upon her wrists and ankles. He is still essentially an overbearing prick, but at least he doesn't want to physically mark her anymore...
Love changes everything, remember?
Ana also seems to have some kind of multiple personality disorder. In her mind she is three people. Anastasia, her Subconscious, a bespectacled shrew and her Inner Goddess. Essentially her Inner Goddess is Ana’s Id. Her inner dialogue alternates between herself and the Shrew, while her Inner Goddess dons lingerie, red lipstick and spreads her legs at the sound of Christian’s voice. After a while, you actually just want Ana to stop talking to herself and her Shrew, and then lock her skipping Inner Goddess in a cupboard somewhere. It is nonsensical and distracting.
In a nutshell, I can't really understand why this set of stories has caught everyone’s imagination so much. There are so many erotic stories out there, sexier, hotter, racier, kinkier, and just simply, better written.
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Friday, July 20, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sometimes I wonder if I was born on the right planet.
Seriously WTF is going on?
I am watching the UK government tear the NHS apart to make it more like the United States system.
I then watch what the US government is doing to their system, and wonder whether this is not only of the beginning of the end of the NHS, but also the start of something much much more frightening?
I am watching the UK government tear the NHS apart to make it more like the United States system.
I then watch what the US government is doing to their system, and wonder whether this is not only of the beginning of the end of the NHS, but also the start of something much much more frightening?
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I Am A Feminist.
I am a Feminist. I will put my hand up and shout loudly that I AM A FEMINIST. I am getting more and more pissed off with the continual attempt to make Feminism out to be something it isn't, and that any one who considers themselves to be Feminist is somehow a misandric sociopath.
WHY I AM A FEMINIST:
* I have automatic and autonomous rights to my own reproductive system and sexual behaviour.
* I have the same right to work, earn money, save money, spend money as any other individual, irrespective of their gender. If I am have the same experience and qualification, am doing the same work at the same level of competence, then I have the right to the same pay.
*I also have the right to choose a more traditionally viewed way of life, to stay at home and raise my children. However, this right is also not dependent on my gender and is a role that any parent should be able to choose, rather than have to make a decision purely based on economics.
* I believe that sex is a natural part of healthy life, that has been trivialised and demeaned to a state where it is used a commodity to subjugate society into behaving in particular ways.
* I believe that raising healthy, independent children is one of the most important things that human beings can achieve, but there is no BEST way of doing this, and the hetero-normative view of Married, Female Mother and Male Father is not always the best way of achieving this.
* I believe that all people are equal, and this equality is not defined by gender, sexuality, religion, race or any other such definition. I do also accept that equality does not mean that every one is the same, and should be treated as such. Every person will have different needs or have different limitations, just that no one person is worth more than someone else.
I could elaborate more on these points, and add more, but I think at this time, this encompasses the most salient points of my Feminism.
More Links to my Feminism:
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2010/10/what-would-you-call-it-then.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2009/03/froyw.html http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/10/pro-choice-does-not-equal-pro-abortion.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/09/quick-simple-post.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/09/fertility-at-any-cost.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/09/feminism-for-all.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2009/03/patriarchy-hurts-men-too.html
WHY I AM A FEMINIST:
* I have automatic and autonomous rights to my own reproductive system and sexual behaviour.
* I have the same right to work, earn money, save money, spend money as any other individual, irrespective of their gender. If I am have the same experience and qualification, am doing the same work at the same level of competence, then I have the right to the same pay.
*I also have the right to choose a more traditionally viewed way of life, to stay at home and raise my children. However, this right is also not dependent on my gender and is a role that any parent should be able to choose, rather than have to make a decision purely based on economics.
* I believe that sex is a natural part of healthy life, that has been trivialised and demeaned to a state where it is used a commodity to subjugate society into behaving in particular ways.
* I believe that raising healthy, independent children is one of the most important things that human beings can achieve, but there is no BEST way of doing this, and the hetero-normative view of Married, Female Mother and Male Father is not always the best way of achieving this.
* I believe that all people are equal, and this equality is not defined by gender, sexuality, religion, race or any other such definition. I do also accept that equality does not mean that every one is the same, and should be treated as such. Every person will have different needs or have different limitations, just that no one person is worth more than someone else.
I could elaborate more on these points, and add more, but I think at this time, this encompasses the most salient points of my Feminism.
More Links to my Feminism:
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2010/10/what-would-you-call-it-then.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2009/03/froyw.html http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/10/pro-choice-does-not-equal-pro-abortion.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/09/quick-simple-post.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/09/fertility-at-any-cost.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2008/09/feminism-for-all.html
http://hystericaljugglings.blogspot.com/2009/03/patriarchy-hurts-men-too.html
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Generation X,Y and Z. The End Of Days...
Society has become obsessed with Consuming. Your own personal worth is dictated by the things that you have. Not what you know, or what you do, but what you have. We must all Live to Work, to create money to get the stuff we want, and to make ever increasing profit. If you don't have things, or show off the things that you have, then you have no social status or standing amongst your peers.
If you have children, you must give them stuff to show them how much you love them and how important they are. The more expensive the better. It doesn't matter that you may put yourself in debt, your children will just see that as a sign of how important and loved they are. Things equal attention, affection and love.
We are told on a daily basis that we must consume more, have more, we need more, we are lacking without, in fact we are worse than that, we are somehow less, meaningless, not worthy if we do not have the things we are told we want.
We watch governments, professional politicians taking money away from us, with no return. We see big business evading taxes, putting prices up and making profit off of us. We see the banks, taking money from us, then us again through the government bailouts and then again through government taxes with no return.
We live in a society based on Greed. So why are we surprised when people who see these big businesses, government, banks and professional politicians taking from us indiscriminately, start to do it themselves?
Why is it right for them and wrong for the others? The answer is that it isn't right for ANYONE to take from others. Whether it be a politician fiddling his/her expenses, big business evading taxes and profiteering from us, or masked looters smashing in windows of JD Sports. IT IS ALL FUCKING WRONG!!!
TO BE CONTINUED...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Sorta Rape, Not Real Rape... (Warning...possible triggers.)
There has been a lot in the press this week stemming from comments made by a couple of Conservative MPs (and one MEP.)
Firstly Nadine Dorries introduced the Bill, that if passed would mean that girls between the ages of 11-15 would have lessons in sexual abstinance. Just girls, mind you. Not boys... Guardian article on the Bill
Then in a television interview, she came out with, I quote;
“If a stronger ‘just say no’ message was given to children, there might be an impact on sex abuse. A lot of girls, when abuse takes place, don’t realise until later that that was wrong because sex is so common in society."
Later that same week, Ken Clarke came out with comments that could be construed as meaning that some rapes are somehow less than other. He did try to clarify what he meant, but still managed to show his little understanding of what he was talking about in the first place. Ken Clark Clarifies?
He was then defended by the MEP, Roger Helmer, who definitely feels some rape is worse than other rape. "Women share some of the responsibilty"
Let's just say it's been a bad week for Tory politicians opening their mouths without thought, but also a bad week for us all when we look at these views in a broader perspective.
Nadine Dorries...WTF? Seriously? My mind cannot comprehend that a modern woman would come out with this claptrap. But when you take on board her religious and political beliefs (Fundie and very RightWing) it all becomes clear. I really don't even have to pull her ideas apart to show how ridiculous they are. But unfortunately, there are those that while agree that her Bill for single sex abstinance education is ridiculous fail to see how those ideas translate into the comments that her male colleagues make later in the week.
If we are teaching young girls that they must hold ALL sexual responsibility, as women, they STILL must hold that responsibility at all times, and if they are raped, then somehow it must be their fault. Your clothing, your attitude, your whereabouts, your alcohol consumption are all questioned in an attempt to show how a woman's actions contribute to her rape. And if you happen to be raped by someone you know (the majority of all rapes) then all of that, AND your sexual history is taken into account.
Dorries' comments that “If a stronger ‘just say no’ message was given to children, there might be an impact on sex abuse. A lot of girls, when abuse takes place, don’t realise until later that that was wrong because sex is so common in society."
Because when a sexual predator is about to abuse someone, saying no always stops them...What? You mean it doesn't?
Abuse isn't about sex. Like rape, abuse is about POWER! The power of one person over another!
I know I will be preaching to the converted here, but rape and abuse is about violent power over another. It isn't just about sex, or sexual gratification, it has a whole load of other nasties wrapped up along with it.
But the bottom line is, if a woman or man says they don't want to have sex at ANY point of the act, they have that right, and whoever they are with MUST STOP NO MATTER WHAT!
It infantalises and demeans men when the notion that they are somehow incapable of stopping having sex at any given moment is put forward as an excuse, and that when they have an erection or intercourse, that their minds switch off entirely and they become little more than drooling sexual automatons.
On a very personal note, I will share some of my more nasty sexual experiences...(Possible Trigger Alert)
The first time I had sex. I was sixteen, a bit of a social klutz, and generally a bit of a emo teenage mess. I was unsure if I wanted to do anything, but found myself led along and plied with alcohol, so when I really did want to stop, it didn't happen. I "changed my mind" at the last moment, so I know that I fall into that catagory of "it's not proper rape", but imho he had the power, he didn't stop when I wanted him to, and while I don't feel I have any long lasting damage from the event, it still means the first time I had sex is not something I feel fondly about.
I once met someone and went on a few dates with him. He was quite a bit older than me (at Uni while I was still at school.) He was nice enough, and then one Saturday morning, I met him at his digs thinking we were going to go out. As I turned up, his housemates were leaving. He was still in a dressing gown. To cut a long story short, I spent most my time trying to fend off his advances, to stop him trying to "persuade" me to go upstairs with me, and it ended with me managing to get out of the house. (Thank the Gods it wasn't locked.) and ran to a friend's house around the corner. At her house, I managed to rearrange my clothes and refasten my bra that he had managed to undo. Was this a sexual assault? Probably. Did I tell anyone other than my friends? No. Did I think I was an idiot for getting myself into that situation? Yes. However, I didn't ask for any of it, I wasn't expecting it, and why should he have thought he could get into knickers just because he felt like it.
On more than one occasion, I have had my hand forced down someone's trousers to get them off. Even to the point, that the young man in question didn't want me, he wanted my friend, but when I went out of the party to tell him that, he felt he would make do with me instead...
I have lost count of the times I have had my breasts groped and poked by men thinking that because I have spoken to them, maybe even kissed them, that I was "up for it".
It doesn't happen anymore. I am older and wiser and know how not to get myself into those situations. (Or as some arse would say, I am fatter and uglier now...a whole different issue in itself).
I never reported or told anyone (who could/would do anything about them) about these incidents, but I can guarantee that every woman out there probably has similar tales. Does this mean we were all asking for it?
Firstly Nadine Dorries introduced the Bill, that if passed would mean that girls between the ages of 11-15 would have lessons in sexual abstinance. Just girls, mind you. Not boys... Guardian article on the Bill
Then in a television interview, she came out with, I quote;
“If a stronger ‘just say no’ message was given to children, there might be an impact on sex abuse. A lot of girls, when abuse takes place, don’t realise until later that that was wrong because sex is so common in society."
Later that same week, Ken Clarke came out with comments that could be construed as meaning that some rapes are somehow less than other. He did try to clarify what he meant, but still managed to show his little understanding of what he was talking about in the first place. Ken Clark Clarifies?
He was then defended by the MEP, Roger Helmer, who definitely feels some rape is worse than other rape. "Women share some of the responsibilty"
Let's just say it's been a bad week for Tory politicians opening their mouths without thought, but also a bad week for us all when we look at these views in a broader perspective.
Nadine Dorries...WTF? Seriously? My mind cannot comprehend that a modern woman would come out with this claptrap. But when you take on board her religious and political beliefs (Fundie and very RightWing) it all becomes clear. I really don't even have to pull her ideas apart to show how ridiculous they are. But unfortunately, there are those that while agree that her Bill for single sex abstinance education is ridiculous fail to see how those ideas translate into the comments that her male colleagues make later in the week.
If we are teaching young girls that they must hold ALL sexual responsibility, as women, they STILL must hold that responsibility at all times, and if they are raped, then somehow it must be their fault. Your clothing, your attitude, your whereabouts, your alcohol consumption are all questioned in an attempt to show how a woman's actions contribute to her rape. And if you happen to be raped by someone you know (the majority of all rapes) then all of that, AND your sexual history is taken into account.
Dorries' comments that “If a stronger ‘just say no’ message was given to children, there might be an impact on sex abuse. A lot of girls, when abuse takes place, don’t realise until later that that was wrong because sex is so common in society."
Because when a sexual predator is about to abuse someone, saying no always stops them...What? You mean it doesn't?
Abuse isn't about sex. Like rape, abuse is about POWER! The power of one person over another!
I know I will be preaching to the converted here, but rape and abuse is about violent power over another. It isn't just about sex, or sexual gratification, it has a whole load of other nasties wrapped up along with it.
But the bottom line is, if a woman or man says they don't want to have sex at ANY point of the act, they have that right, and whoever they are with MUST STOP NO MATTER WHAT!
It infantalises and demeans men when the notion that they are somehow incapable of stopping having sex at any given moment is put forward as an excuse, and that when they have an erection or intercourse, that their minds switch off entirely and they become little more than drooling sexual automatons.
On a very personal note, I will share some of my more nasty sexual experiences...(Possible Trigger Alert)
The first time I had sex. I was sixteen, a bit of a social klutz, and generally a bit of a emo teenage mess. I was unsure if I wanted to do anything, but found myself led along and plied with alcohol, so when I really did want to stop, it didn't happen. I "changed my mind" at the last moment, so I know that I fall into that catagory of "it's not proper rape", but imho he had the power, he didn't stop when I wanted him to, and while I don't feel I have any long lasting damage from the event, it still means the first time I had sex is not something I feel fondly about.
I once met someone and went on a few dates with him. He was quite a bit older than me (at Uni while I was still at school.) He was nice enough, and then one Saturday morning, I met him at his digs thinking we were going to go out. As I turned up, his housemates were leaving. He was still in a dressing gown. To cut a long story short, I spent most my time trying to fend off his advances, to stop him trying to "persuade" me to go upstairs with me, and it ended with me managing to get out of the house. (Thank the Gods it wasn't locked.) and ran to a friend's house around the corner. At her house, I managed to rearrange my clothes and refasten my bra that he had managed to undo. Was this a sexual assault? Probably. Did I tell anyone other than my friends? No. Did I think I was an idiot for getting myself into that situation? Yes. However, I didn't ask for any of it, I wasn't expecting it, and why should he have thought he could get into knickers just because he felt like it.
On more than one occasion, I have had my hand forced down someone's trousers to get them off. Even to the point, that the young man in question didn't want me, he wanted my friend, but when I went out of the party to tell him that, he felt he would make do with me instead...
I have lost count of the times I have had my breasts groped and poked by men thinking that because I have spoken to them, maybe even kissed them, that I was "up for it".
It doesn't happen anymore. I am older and wiser and know how not to get myself into those situations. (Or as some arse would say, I am fatter and uglier now...a whole different issue in itself).
I never reported or told anyone (who could/would do anything about them) about these incidents, but I can guarantee that every woman out there probably has similar tales. Does this mean we were all asking for it?
Friday, May 20, 2011
I will post something serious soon, I promise...
But not yet.
I don't know who this is, or what he is saying, but Josie and I love it. It's the bouncing snowball from Finland as far as we are concerned. I am posting it here, as I have to play it every day for Josie...*sigh*
I don't know who this is, or what he is saying, but Josie and I love it. It's the bouncing snowball from Finland as far as we are concerned. I am posting it here, as I have to play it every day for Josie...*sigh*
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Children in the Marital Bed.
If you are a parent, at some point or another you will have had one of your children sleep in bed with you. It isn't the exactly the biggest parenting issue in the world. However, today it was decided (on telly) that it was a Bad Thing.
What gets me though, it wasn't a Bad Thing because of the disturbed sleep and uncomfortableness, etc, etc. It was a Bad Thing because it impacts on your relationship... Poor old Daddy feels left out, and that he is being usurped from his rightful place in his marital bed and he can't have sex in it, so Mummy can't love him anymore and that's bad and it's all the fault of the child sleeping in the bed with them...
Umm. No.
If you do have a child in bed with you, then work out what the reason is for that. Are they ill? Having nightmares? Or are you just too tired to put them back into their own bed? Remember that as that child grows up, they aren't going to be wanting to sleep in the bed with you so why worry about the odd night when they are little. If it is every night, then perhaps there is an issue there, but quite frankly having a kid in the bed every night is a symptom of a problem, not the actual problem...
Mummy doesn't want to have sex with Daddy? That isn't because there is a kid in bed with you. That's a bigger issue, and you are blaming a symptom rather than the problem. If Mummy wants to have sex with Daddy, she will find a way to have sex with Daddy! (NEWSFLASH!!! You don't have to have sex just in the bed!)
Sometimes Mummy doesn't want to have sex with Daddy cos she is too damn knackered and bed is mainly for sleeping in!! If it is purely just tiredness, this is pretty easily remedied with, guess what? SLEEP!! How about getting someone else to look after the kids every now and again, and letting Mum have some peace and quiet? Not exactly rocket science. And if she still doesn't want to have sex, then make the effort to find out why? Is that too much to ask?
This is another way men are made out to be little more than infants. When in fact, they are Grown Ups too. Makes me soooo cross when the act of Parenting is set up as somehow damaging to Relationships. It isn't. So get over it!
What gets me though, it wasn't a Bad Thing because of the disturbed sleep and uncomfortableness, etc, etc. It was a Bad Thing because it impacts on your relationship... Poor old Daddy feels left out, and that he is being usurped from his rightful place in his marital bed and he can't have sex in it, so Mummy can't love him anymore and that's bad and it's all the fault of the child sleeping in the bed with them...
Umm. No.
If you do have a child in bed with you, then work out what the reason is for that. Are they ill? Having nightmares? Or are you just too tired to put them back into their own bed? Remember that as that child grows up, they aren't going to be wanting to sleep in the bed with you so why worry about the odd night when they are little. If it is every night, then perhaps there is an issue there, but quite frankly having a kid in the bed every night is a symptom of a problem, not the actual problem...
Mummy doesn't want to have sex with Daddy? That isn't because there is a kid in bed with you. That's a bigger issue, and you are blaming a symptom rather than the problem. If Mummy wants to have sex with Daddy, she will find a way to have sex with Daddy! (NEWSFLASH!!! You don't have to have sex just in the bed!)
Sometimes Mummy doesn't want to have sex with Daddy cos she is too damn knackered and bed is mainly for sleeping in!! If it is purely just tiredness, this is pretty easily remedied with, guess what? SLEEP!! How about getting someone else to look after the kids every now and again, and letting Mum have some peace and quiet? Not exactly rocket science. And if she still doesn't want to have sex, then make the effort to find out why? Is that too much to ask?
This is another way men are made out to be little more than infants. When in fact, they are Grown Ups too. Makes me soooo cross when the act of Parenting is set up as somehow damaging to Relationships. It isn't. So get over it!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Loyalty
I am probably a bit too loyal.
If I have made the decision to be your friend, then it takes an awful lot for me to end that friendship. Only when I have had my heart pulled out and trampled on will I walk away. And even then, under some circumstances I will let them back in if they had a good enough reason for being so horrid in the first place.
So it is really really hard for me to deal with a friend who says they are my friend, want to continue to be my friend, but make bugger all effort in actually BEING a friend. I give them so much slack, but it hurts when I feel like they don't care.
I have other friends who are equally elusive, but I know their reasons for it. Work is often hectic and unpredictable, or just time-consuming. Some live miles away, so we don't get together often. I don't have an issue with that. I don't live a life where I can just drop everything for a beer or coffee, so I do understand.
What I don't understand is, just not giving a shit about me any more, when they say they are my friend. No returning calls, replying to emails or texts, yet then ringing me randomly for a long chat and being the lovely person they can be.
So, when is it time to say enough is enough?
If I have made the decision to be your friend, then it takes an awful lot for me to end that friendship. Only when I have had my heart pulled out and trampled on will I walk away. And even then, under some circumstances I will let them back in if they had a good enough reason for being so horrid in the first place.
So it is really really hard for me to deal with a friend who says they are my friend, want to continue to be my friend, but make bugger all effort in actually BEING a friend. I give them so much slack, but it hurts when I feel like they don't care.
I have other friends who are equally elusive, but I know their reasons for it. Work is often hectic and unpredictable, or just time-consuming. Some live miles away, so we don't get together often. I don't have an issue with that. I don't live a life where I can just drop everything for a beer or coffee, so I do understand.
What I don't understand is, just not giving a shit about me any more, when they say they are my friend. No returning calls, replying to emails or texts, yet then ringing me randomly for a long chat and being the lovely person they can be.
So, when is it time to say enough is enough?
Monday, January 24, 2011
Overemotional?
When people meet me for the first time, and possibly for a few more times, they seem to get the impression that I am a hard-nosed cow. And tbh, I probably am. It takes a long time for me to be completely open with someone, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. It wasn't always like that. Too often I would meet someone that I felt had a certain kindred spirit quality about them, and I would burn too hot, reveal too much, and get my fingers burnt.
I could be too enthusiastic, too full on, and too much. No one seemed to be able to cope with the unabashed me. So the walls went up. And up and up.
The problem with these Great Walls of Hysterical Juggling means that all the emotion and feeling that would spew forth with abandon is kept in, safe and quiet to the outside, yet constantly bubbling away like a great big Cauldron of Power. Occasionally it erupts and can be a force for good or for evil depending on the situation.
I need to be able to dismantle these walls, but rein the emotional abundance in. I know there is nothing wrong with emotion, but mine have always seem to frighten people. They just don't GET it, they don't GET me.
However, I am very much getting to the stage in life where I don't care about that anymore.
Does it matter that I cry at mushy films, at poetry, at music, in empathy to someone on the telly, in real life etc?
Does it matter that I have to turn off the news because I become overwhelmed by the sadness, trauma, hatred that we are constantly bombarded with?
Is it wrong that the more I hear about the state of the world and what the "governments" of the world are doing to it, and I want to scream in their faces "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Is it wrong to want to teach my children survivalist skills, because I am coming to the conclusion that they, or their children are going to need them?
Am I the only one that wants to wear pink leopard spotted high heels, dance on tables, drunk on red wine, kissing strangers and jumping in fountains?
Am I the only one that wants to run through the woods at night, and skinnydip in the moonlight?
Am I the only one that looks at a life that isn't bad in any way, but it isn't the life that they ever expected...?
I could be too enthusiastic, too full on, and too much. No one seemed to be able to cope with the unabashed me. So the walls went up. And up and up.
The problem with these Great Walls of Hysterical Juggling means that all the emotion and feeling that would spew forth with abandon is kept in, safe and quiet to the outside, yet constantly bubbling away like a great big Cauldron of Power. Occasionally it erupts and can be a force for good or for evil depending on the situation.
I need to be able to dismantle these walls, but rein the emotional abundance in. I know there is nothing wrong with emotion, but mine have always seem to frighten people. They just don't GET it, they don't GET me.
However, I am very much getting to the stage in life where I don't care about that anymore.
Does it matter that I cry at mushy films, at poetry, at music, in empathy to someone on the telly, in real life etc?
Does it matter that I have to turn off the news because I become overwhelmed by the sadness, trauma, hatred that we are constantly bombarded with?
Is it wrong that the more I hear about the state of the world and what the "governments" of the world are doing to it, and I want to scream in their faces "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Is it wrong to want to teach my children survivalist skills, because I am coming to the conclusion that they, or their children are going to need them?
Am I the only one that wants to wear pink leopard spotted high heels, dance on tables, drunk on red wine, kissing strangers and jumping in fountains?
Am I the only one that wants to run through the woods at night, and skinnydip in the moonlight?
Am I the only one that looks at a life that isn't bad in any way, but it isn't the life that they ever expected...?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
What would YOU call it then?
If an object or body part is inserted into a woman's vagina without her permission, what would you call it?
Rape?
Would you still call it rape?
What WOULD you call it then? Please remember that rape isn't about sex, it's about power, the power over someone else.
(And yes, I am sure that it would horrify those medics involved to think that they may be participating in something as abhorrent as rape, but seriously people, when (why) do a woman's rights to say yes or no to something end when she is pregnant/giving birth?)
Friday, September 24, 2010
WTF?
In the USA, a woman is executed, although she didn't actually murder anyone...
I appreciate that I won't know all the details in this matter, but essentially it is reported that Teresa Lewis has been executed for her part in the murder of her husband and stepson. However she didn't actually kill them. And the TWO MEN that did got life imprisonment...
I am not saying she shouldn't have been punished for her part in this awful event. But SHE DIDN'T PULL THE TRIGGER. SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE!
She had a limited mental capacity, one of the men in his suicide note wrote that HE instigated it all, and she didn't kill anyone.
But she has been executed all the same...
Why?
Monday, June 28, 2010
A-Z of why these cuts are mad
We are going to hammered with some serious cuts to public spending. Basically the government is using our tax money to pay back our tax money that was used to bail out the banks when they screwed us over so monumentally. So we are having our money taken from us, to pay back the money that was taken from us...
INFORMATION FROM HERE...
a) the biggest waste in our economy is unemployment not spending
b) we’ve lower debt:GDP than most EU/G8 nations
c) the money is owed to us
d) the payoff on public services’s > our loan interest
e) Italy’s credit rating is far below ours but they only pay slightly more interest
f) where else will bond markets lend?
g) how can we have export led growth as the EU collapses
h) why is growth meant to be led by the banks?
i) raising the personal allowance gives more to the rich than the poor
j) VAT is the most regressive tax
k) what happened to green investment?
l) WTF is this I hear about first children only?
m) scrapping child trust funds while promising cuts to inheritance tax is fair?
n) cutting jobs hits the poor first (are you listening @guardian?)
o) we still remember you cut uni places – crushing a generation’s hopes
p) universities have the biggest jobs multiplier of anything, so cutting their funding is the thing most likely to cause a double dip
q) Tories have always opposed proper funding for public services
r) the long term economic costs of the human strife of austerity are huge
r) the deficit has already naturally dropped by more than Osborne said he wanted it to this year, & will half by 2015
s) taxes on the top take fewer jobs away
t) it took decades to build the public services he wants to ruin
u) the economists against this tend to be those who predicted this mess
v) what’s the point of a triple A rating if you can’t borrow in a 100 year recession?
w) our loans are very long term
x) we have big assets
y) the richest 1000 people have seen their wealth increase by 30% in a year – half the value of the deficit
z) Osborne is trying to save the economy by destroying the economy. That’s as crazy as it sounds. That is all
INFORMATION FROM HERE...
a) the biggest waste in our economy is unemployment not spending
b) we’ve lower debt:GDP than most EU/G8 nations
c) the money is owed to us
d) the payoff on public services’s > our loan interest
e) Italy’s credit rating is far below ours but they only pay slightly more interest
f) where else will bond markets lend?
g) how can we have export led growth as the EU collapses
h) why is growth meant to be led by the banks?
i) raising the personal allowance gives more to the rich than the poor
j) VAT is the most regressive tax
k) what happened to green investment?
l) WTF is this I hear about first children only?
m) scrapping child trust funds while promising cuts to inheritance tax is fair?
n) cutting jobs hits the poor first (are you listening @guardian?)
o) we still remember you cut uni places – crushing a generation’s hopes
p) universities have the biggest jobs multiplier of anything, so cutting their funding is the thing most likely to cause a double dip
q) Tories have always opposed proper funding for public services
r) the long term economic costs of the human strife of austerity are huge
r) the deficit has already naturally dropped by more than Osborne said he wanted it to this year, & will half by 2015
s) taxes on the top take fewer jobs away
t) it took decades to build the public services he wants to ruin
u) the economists against this tend to be those who predicted this mess
v) what’s the point of a triple A rating if you can’t borrow in a 100 year recession?
w) our loans are very long term
x) we have big assets
y) the richest 1000 people have seen their wealth increase by 30% in a year – half the value of the deficit
z) Osborne is trying to save the economy by destroying the economy. That’s as crazy as it sounds. That is all
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Uncomfortable posting.
But I am gonna have to say this.
The oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico is a tragic, awful, indescribable horror. And BP should be held accountable, should be making more effort to clear up this catastrophic mess. We all, as citizens of this planet should be doing all we can to help out.
The US government is right in saying that BP should be held accountable and set money aside to deal with this.
However.
I have one word to say.
Bhopal.
That said, I don't blame the US people that a US company caused such devastation on foreign soil.
The oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico is a tragic, awful, indescribable horror. And BP should be held accountable, should be making more effort to clear up this catastrophic mess. We all, as citizens of this planet should be doing all we can to help out.
The US government is right in saying that BP should be held accountable and set money aside to deal with this.
However.
I have one word to say.
Bhopal.
That said, I don't blame the US people that a US company caused such devastation on foreign soil.
Monday, May 10, 2010
ConDemned
It looks like the Liberal Democrats are going to make a coalition government with the Conservatives. My title for my previous post seems very apt. We are being Hung Out To Dry.
I can't imagine that there is a Liberal Democrat out there at grassroots level who actually wants this to happen. The only good thing that could possibly come out of this, is that the Tories will make a complete pigs ear out of it, and will be voted out again within a year. However, as much as that would be a good thing to happen, in the meantime the damage would have already been done. Both to this country and to the Liberal Democrats.
I CANNOT see how a Liberal Democrat can get into bed with a Conservative. Their political views are just so different from each other.
I can't imagine that there is a Liberal Democrat out there at grassroots level who actually wants this to happen. The only good thing that could possibly come out of this, is that the Tories will make a complete pigs ear out of it, and will be voted out again within a year. However, as much as that would be a good thing to happen, in the meantime the damage would have already been done. Both to this country and to the Liberal Democrats.
I CANNOT see how a Liberal Democrat can get into bed with a Conservative. Their political views are just so different from each other.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The UK General Election
is 2 days away. I have absolutely no enthusiasm for it. That doesn't mean that I won't be voting, I definite will be. Unfortunately I have no enthusiam for who I will be voting for. It will be a tactical vote, made to help stop unwanted candidates from getting in.
What this election has done, is opened my eyes up to see there are things that I had previously realised, but have really become obvious in the last few months. I have always known that I must be wired differently for the majority of other people, but politics is the one area where that difference becomes very apparent.
My politics are Green, and I cannot get my head around the fact that there are people out there that don't believe in Climate Change, don't realise that the Environmental issues are probably going to be the most important factors for EVERYONE in the next 100 years. I don't understand those that think the Economy can grow and grow, and we became richer and richer, consume more and more, and it not have any kind of impact? What planet are these people living on?
I am sick of short-term knee-jerk politics where politicians and big business look only to line their own pockets and never see further into the future to see what impact their policies have on our lives.
I do not understand people who blame economic downturns on a particular type of people. We are not in a recession because we have too many immigrants, or because the politicians took liberties with their finances, we are in the shits because the b(w)ankers took the royal piss out of us all, took our money, lost it, and then expected us to give them more of it, without ever giving it back. Yes, politics should be clean and transparent, but you know what? So should fucking Banking! Give us our money back, you shitheads!
(My inner conspiracy theorist found it very interesting that the politicans' finances fraud neatly replaced the banking fiasco story. You know, the one where the banks lost BILLIONS of our money, compared to the politicians' smaller amount. Now I am not saying that the politicians shouldn't have been brought to book about what they did, but in the big picture, why wasn't more done about the b(w)ankers?)
I read the Green Party's Manifesto. It makes sense to me. But I wonder how many people out there have actually read the manifesto of the political party they are going to vote for.
Am I really so weird that I try to make informed decisions about things in my life? Am I really so odd that I can see the bigger picture and want to do something about it? Why am I wired so differently from so many other people?
*People I am friends with tend to also see the big picture and care about stuff, which is probably why I am friends with them in the first place. Just a shame most of them are only on the interwebz*
What this election has done, is opened my eyes up to see there are things that I had previously realised, but have really become obvious in the last few months. I have always known that I must be wired differently for the majority of other people, but politics is the one area where that difference becomes very apparent.
My politics are Green, and I cannot get my head around the fact that there are people out there that don't believe in Climate Change, don't realise that the Environmental issues are probably going to be the most important factors for EVERYONE in the next 100 years. I don't understand those that think the Economy can grow and grow, and we became richer and richer, consume more and more, and it not have any kind of impact? What planet are these people living on?
I am sick of short-term knee-jerk politics where politicians and big business look only to line their own pockets and never see further into the future to see what impact their policies have on our lives.
I do not understand people who blame economic downturns on a particular type of people. We are not in a recession because we have too many immigrants, or because the politicians took liberties with their finances, we are in the shits because the b(w)ankers took the royal piss out of us all, took our money, lost it, and then expected us to give them more of it, without ever giving it back. Yes, politics should be clean and transparent, but you know what? So should fucking Banking! Give us our money back, you shitheads!
(My inner conspiracy theorist found it very interesting that the politicans' finances fraud neatly replaced the banking fiasco story. You know, the one where the banks lost BILLIONS of our money, compared to the politicians' smaller amount. Now I am not saying that the politicians shouldn't have been brought to book about what they did, but in the big picture, why wasn't more done about the b(w)ankers?)
I read the Green Party's Manifesto. It makes sense to me. But I wonder how many people out there have actually read the manifesto of the political party they are going to vote for.
Am I really so weird that I try to make informed decisions about things in my life? Am I really so odd that I can see the bigger picture and want to do something about it? Why am I wired so differently from so many other people?
*People I am friends with tend to also see the big picture and care about stuff, which is probably why I am friends with them in the first place. Just a shame most of them are only on the interwebz*
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
"WE GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!"
Last night was a traumatic one. In more ways than one.
There was a Murder-Suicide upstairs in the flat directly above us. I heard it happen although at the time I didn't realise what I had heard. We think that the Husband killed his Wife and then turned the gun on himself. Or it could have been the other way round, but we don't know right now. What we do know is that the man and the woman are dead from gunshot wounds to the head.
This afternoon we heard noises that we didn't think much of, since they are always noisy and argumentative. This evening all hell breaks loose with members of the family kicking the door in (which was locked) and the screaming that commenced. We concentrated on keeping the kids away from the door, and I got my other neighbour's 10 year old lad in as well, as his mum had rung an ambulance, and was trying to give CPR on the ambulance service operator's instructions. Even though she could tell that they were dead.
We have just given our limited statements to the police. And we are now off to bed.
I don't want to be living here anymore. Seriously
There was a Murder-Suicide upstairs in the flat directly above us. I heard it happen although at the time I didn't realise what I had heard. We think that the Husband killed his Wife and then turned the gun on himself. Or it could have been the other way round, but we don't know right now. What we do know is that the man and the woman are dead from gunshot wounds to the head.
This afternoon we heard noises that we didn't think much of, since they are always noisy and argumentative. This evening all hell breaks loose with members of the family kicking the door in (which was locked) and the screaming that commenced. We concentrated on keeping the kids away from the door, and I got my other neighbour's 10 year old lad in as well, as his mum had rung an ambulance, and was trying to give CPR on the ambulance service operator's instructions. Even though she could tell that they were dead.
We have just given our limited statements to the police. And we are now off to bed.
I don't want to be living here anymore. Seriously
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Being A Weirdo.
I am proud to say that I have been a Weirdo my entire life! (As in an odd, eccentric, or unconventional person, not a scary psycho!)
I have my moments of wanting to fit in with the normal people, but often I find that the normal people aren't very accomodating. Normal people like everyone to be the same, have the same views, ideas and beliefs, and they don't think very highly of those that dare to be different.
I can't help being different. I have always danced to my own tune, and my children do too. Unfortunately for my son, he goes to school with all the normal people's children who are all learning to be normal too. So he is feeling it a bit at the moment, on the one hand wanting to fit in, but on the other knowing that he really doesn't in his heart.
I find that the internet has opened the door to those who don't think, do or feel that same as the majority of other people. It ranges from just us types that are just apart from the mainstream to those that are completely out there. (No offense, but Otherkin Na'vi? WTF?)
Being weird in my books usually makes you a more thoughtful person. Not necessarily a clever person, but one that at least takes the time to think things through before making a judgement or decision. A weirdo is not a Daily Mail reader. (And if they are, it is usually for the WTF quality.) A weirdo knows how to think outside the box. A weirdo doesn't want or need to be validated by meaningless standards.
Being a weirdo is cool
I have my moments of wanting to fit in with the normal people, but often I find that the normal people aren't very accomodating. Normal people like everyone to be the same, have the same views, ideas and beliefs, and they don't think very highly of those that dare to be different.
I can't help being different. I have always danced to my own tune, and my children do too. Unfortunately for my son, he goes to school with all the normal people's children who are all learning to be normal too. So he is feeling it a bit at the moment, on the one hand wanting to fit in, but on the other knowing that he really doesn't in his heart.
I find that the internet has opened the door to those who don't think, do or feel that same as the majority of other people. It ranges from just us types that are just apart from the mainstream to those that are completely out there. (No offense, but Otherkin Na'vi? WTF?)
Being weird in my books usually makes you a more thoughtful person. Not necessarily a clever person, but one that at least takes the time to think things through before making a judgement or decision. A weirdo is not a Daily Mail reader. (And if they are, it is usually for the WTF quality.) A weirdo knows how to think outside the box. A weirdo doesn't want or need to be validated by meaningless standards.
Being a weirdo is cool
Friday, November 20, 2009
Those Pesky Vampires.
You would think that the Vatican would have better things to worry about. Or rather SHOULD have better things to worry about.
I certainly don't think that sparkly vamps are much of a threat to Catholism. I would suggest that outdated dogma and hypocrasy are much bigger threats.
I certainly don't think that sparkly vamps are much of a threat to Catholism. I would suggest that outdated dogma and hypocrasy are much bigger threats.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Fay Weldon
To be honest, I am tempted to just dismiss this latest hoo-hah over Fay Weldon's comments this week, and blame on the fact that she is an old dear, and therefore may be becoming prone to making comments that are blatently full of shit. I won't though. I suppose if you have ever considered Fay Weldon to be a feminist, then it is a blow to read one of your icons come out with such a crock.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1209154/Fay-Weldon-Women-life-easier-picked-mens-socks-cleaned-loo.html
But the worse thing about it all is this insistance on telling how useless the poor men are. You know, women need to look after them, and change their opinions to make sure they don't threaten their poor minds and egos. I am completely willing to accept that men and women are wired differently. But you know what, everyone is wired differently from everyone else. It has fuck all to do with gender. Gender is a really easy box to put people into, "well, they don't do tidying because they are a man." Nooo, they don't do tidying because they either hate it, or they are lazy fuckers.
If both of you are working, then both of you clean the house. If both of you are working, then both of you cook. If both of you are working, then IT IS AN EQUAL FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WHERE BOTH OF YOU PULL YOUR OWN WEIGHT!
Now, I am a full-time mum at the moment. My husband works hard, but he acknowledges that SO DO I! Looking after children is knackering. Caring for anyone takes time, effort and it is worth something. More than it gets at the moment. Our jobs are different, but one isn't more important than the other. And it certainly doesn't mean that my husband doesn't do anything around the house or with the children. And if I worked fulltime, then he would do more, not less.
Some men would probably live in a hovel if they could get away with it. Some women probably would. But usually someone who lives on their own can cope with the idea of housework. Why does that change for a man as soon as a woman is on the scene. In fact, I would be interested to know what the dynamics are with gay couples get together? Or is it still that old chestnut of gay men aren't the same because they are gay? That argument gets very old very quickly.
So, yes Fay. Quite frankly, I think you are talking out of your arse!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1209154/Fay-Weldon-Women-life-easier-picked-mens-socks-cleaned-loo.html
But the worse thing about it all is this insistance on telling how useless the poor men are. You know, women need to look after them, and change their opinions to make sure they don't threaten their poor minds and egos. I am completely willing to accept that men and women are wired differently. But you know what, everyone is wired differently from everyone else. It has fuck all to do with gender. Gender is a really easy box to put people into, "well, they don't do tidying because they are a man." Nooo, they don't do tidying because they either hate it, or they are lazy fuckers.
If both of you are working, then both of you clean the house. If both of you are working, then both of you cook. If both of you are working, then IT IS AN EQUAL FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WHERE BOTH OF YOU PULL YOUR OWN WEIGHT!
Now, I am a full-time mum at the moment. My husband works hard, but he acknowledges that SO DO I! Looking after children is knackering. Caring for anyone takes time, effort and it is worth something. More than it gets at the moment. Our jobs are different, but one isn't more important than the other. And it certainly doesn't mean that my husband doesn't do anything around the house or with the children. And if I worked fulltime, then he would do more, not less.
Some men would probably live in a hovel if they could get away with it. Some women probably would. But usually someone who lives on their own can cope with the idea of housework. Why does that change for a man as soon as a woman is on the scene. In fact, I would be interested to know what the dynamics are with gay couples get together? Or is it still that old chestnut of gay men aren't the same because they are gay? That argument gets very old very quickly.
So, yes Fay. Quite frankly, I think you are talking out of your arse!
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