Overemotional?

When people meet me for the first time, and possibly for a few more times, they seem to get the impression that I am a hard-nosed cow. And tbh, I probably am. It takes a long time for me to be completely open with someone, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. It wasn't always like that. Too often I would meet someone that I felt had a certain kindred spirit quality about them, and I would burn too hot, reveal too much, and get my fingers burnt.

I could be too enthusiastic, too full on, and too much. No one seemed to be able to cope with the unabashed me. So the walls went up. And up and up.

The problem with these Great Walls of Hysterical Juggling means that all the emotion and feeling that would spew forth with abandon is kept in, safe and quiet to the outside, yet constantly bubbling away like a great big Cauldron of Power. Occasionally it erupts and can be a force for good or for evil depending on the situation.

I need to be able to dismantle these walls, but rein the emotional abundance in. I know there is nothing wrong with emotion, but mine have always seem to frighten people. They just don't GET it, they don't GET me.

However, I am very much getting to the stage in life where I don't care about that anymore.

Does it matter that I cry at mushy films, at poetry, at music, in empathy to someone on the telly, in real life etc?

Does it matter that I have to turn off the news because I become overwhelmed by the sadness, trauma, hatred that we are constantly bombarded with?

Is it wrong that the more I hear about the state of the world and what the "governments" of the world are doing to it, and I want to scream in their faces "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

Is it wrong to want to teach my children survivalist skills, because I am coming to the conclusion that they, or their children are going to need them?

Am I the only one that wants to wear pink leopard spotted high heels, dance on tables, drunk on red wine, kissing strangers and jumping in fountains?

Am I the only one that wants to run through the woods at night, and skinnydip in the moonlight?

Am I the only one that looks at a life that isn't bad in any way, but it isn't the life that they ever expected...?

Climate Change

This isn't a big rant about stupid people and the denial of climate change, as that would just go on for too long.

However, I thought I would share this with you. Write a letter to your MP about Bangladesh and the effect Climate Change is having on the country - via FACEBOOK

I have done it, and if others could too, it would be fantastic. If you add a personal message to the C&P'd text, then it will get past their C&P filter. It is UK orientated, but it wouldn't take a lot to change to work for whatever country you come from.

Profit is God part 2

Gaia Sculpture - Oberon Zell

Post Earth Day thoughts...

I wonder what the state of the world would be in, if our "world leaders" had put the same kind of money into green fuels, averting climate change, etc etc that they have in their desperate efforts to save Capitalism as we know it?

It is so reassuring that the "people in charge" have the right priorities in mind. (That's sarcasm, btw.)

Whoops!

Nearly a month from my last post. My excuse is illness, holidays, birthdays and Seasonal Celebrations, so I think that is fair enough really.

I am aiming to spend less time on the interwebz, and get a life again. However, what I want to do is spend more of my time writing, so hopefully if I manage to churn out anything decent, I will post it here.

2009 has started. Conflict in Israel and Gaza, credit crunch, same old, same old really. While I don't want to live in a complete state of avoidance and ignorance, I am trying to seperate myself from the news. I have come to realise (and had it pointed out in an astrology reading) that I worry too much about everything, and I let things I have little or no control over severely affect my mood. Much of the month of December was spent in a mild depression over the state of the world and the future of my children. Even coming to the conclusion that I need to up my skills, since the kids would be better off with Neil if the world goes to hell in a handbag. I didn't watch the new series of Survivers, since my thoughts were dwelling much too much in that kind of reality.

In some senses, my feelings haven't changed that much. However, my rational side has taken over somewhat and I realise that it won't be this year it all goes bad, so I will be investigating skills I hadn't thought of before. I don't care if it makes me sound like some kind of survialist freak. It is just how I am feeling at the moment.

ION, I have not got Coeliac's. Which is good in the sense that I don't have it. Obviously. However it would have at least been a diagnosis, so I am having to have "further investigations" for my dodgey tummy issues.

Josie has 4 teeth, 2 bottom, and 2 top ones. She is walking and trying to run, and generally being a independent feisty little madam. Much like her mum! Owen is growing like a very tall weed, and Neil is getting along at work. Hopefully we will be looking at moving next year, and things will all be good in our part of the universe.

That's all for now. I aim to be posting something else soon. And I won't be offline yet. But probably soon.