Fitting In

Human beings are social animals. We like to be part of a group. Ideally this would be a group of like-minded, friendly peers of our own choosing. Eventually if we are lucky, we have established a group like this (of varying sizes) by our adulthood.

However, for some reason society insists on throwing our children into large groups where the only thing in common is the year of their birth. Group dynamics and social status are set by who you are friends with and what your interests are. Often however, there is one child, for whatever reason doesn't quite fit in.

This would be my son. He is nearly 8 years old. The youngest of his year. I feel guilty as I know that it is somewhat my fault. We don't socialise with the other parents, other than superficial chitchat outside the classroom, but then we have very little in common with them. The area where we live, success is based on what car you drive, how big your house is, how much stuff you have. And in those terms, we are not successful. We don't drive, we live in a too small maisonette, and we don't do stuff. We are a bit weird, a bit radical, a bit different. Those aren't good things to a child.

It has come to a head this year when my son's best friend left school without a word. Owen came back from his holidays and his friend just wasn't there anymore. And the worst thing, he didn't even bother saying goodbye. (His mum has my contact details. There was no excuse to do that to a child.) But having his buddy gone has meant that his position in the class has changed. He is bestfriendless, and it hurts. The other kids seem to now barely tolerate him. He isn't allowed to join in games, he is told he is "rubbish", and that "boys with O in their names and who wear glasses can't join in..." Talking to the teacher hasn't really gone anywhere. We had assurances that things would be kept an eye on, and that support would be given. I mean, adults miss their friends, and this is an eight year old! However, I don't really think the support has been given to him.

I honestly don't know what to do. While I understand what is going on, the repercussions for us are that we have a miserably and stroppy child who argues and sulks over the slightest incident at home, because he is unhappy at school. I can't condone the bad behaviour, but I hate telling him off constantly for rudeness and inconsideration. It is upsetting as I feel so useless.

I know kids can be cruel. However, now having children of my own, I know that some of that cruelity is based on parental response. If your kids see you taking the piss out of other people they aren't going to think twice about doing it themselves. If you make a huge deal about your plasmascreen tv, then someone that doesn't have one must be weird.

We need to change our materialism, thatcherite/blairite, dogeatdog attitude, yet I look at the majority of the children around here, and it isn't happening.



This depressing post was brought to you by fed-upness irritation, and hopelessness.