My Biggest Flaw

Is probably PROCRASTINATION.

I seem to find lots of ways to not get on with what I need to get on with. For a start, I could be doing housework, as my daughter is napping. What am I doing? Blogging. About procrastinating. Yeah...

It's one of the reasons why I started the 101/1001 thing. Listing all the things I want to achieve makes them more real and I am more likely to actually do them.

But why do I procrastinate so much? I think a lot of it may be boredom if I am honest. I am not one of these Domestic Goddesses that loves housework. Much rather be a Domestic Slut! (Slut in the sense of messy and not very houseproud, not the sexualised version. See here, Domestic Sluttery) I loathe housework, it never ends. As soon as I get anything put away and tidy, it gets pulled out, used and left. So yes. Boredom is a major factor.

I suppose I can give myself credit that I don't tend to procrastinate about the Big Things. If something of importance has to be done, I usually get on and do it. Which is odd. If I do the biggies, why do the little things get ignored?

Perhaps some of it is Fear. Am I scared of going the whole hog on certain areas of my life because I am unsure of the outcomes or that I might not manage it? I do know I certainly hate failure. And having cocked up things like driving tests more than once, twice...(cough, and the rest!) I do not have any inclination of doing it again! Like my Maths GCSE. I don't have a grade sufficient to go into Teacher Training. I know I should just do it again, and then at least it opens up the option of TT in the future, but how will I feel if I fail it again?

Another factor to consider is Confusion. I really don't know what I am doing or where I am going at the moment. Some of that is because of an outside influence that I have no mundane control over, (however magick is being flung in it's direction to sort it out!) It does mean that we are stuck in this situation until it is sorted out. So even if I had any big plans they would be put in on hold.

I want to have some big plans though. I want to know that I have a future doing what I enjoy, is worthwhile, and while it doesn't have to make loads of money, a comfortable income would be appreciated. But when you just don't have a Scooby as to what you want to do, it makes it difficult to plan things.

So how do I sort this out? Any ideas? :P

Boredom is only sorted by doing Not Boring things. Housework is never going to be interesting to me. Could I hire a cleaner? Not really. Get the family to help. LOL! Yeah. Working Hubs tries to help, but is at work lots. DS is nearly 8, and DD is 1 and a half. Not really going to happen. DS does help to a point, but then makes mess elsewhere.

Fear. If I stopped failing at things, then I might not be so afraid of failure. Self defeating I am aware, but it doesn't change that feeling. Maybe do some tasks that I won't fail at? Aiming to do that with the 101/1001 list. I know that no-one thinks bad of me if I don't always succeed, but my Capricorn self has a really really hard time accepting it.

Confusion. I really really need a plan. I think that has to be my priority.

Well, that's it folks. Any advice on stopping procrastination would be appreciated, but be nice, since telling me to get off my lazy arse won't really help me much. (I say it to myself enough.)