Words fail me...

On how disturbing and disgusting I find this.

http://www.highglitz.com/

These little girls are wearing more make-up than I do. I am a 35 year old woman.

Where are their (usually) mothers' brains at? What sick need do these women have to make their daughters look like this?

My Biggest Flaw

Is probably PROCRASTINATION.

I seem to find lots of ways to not get on with what I need to get on with. For a start, I could be doing housework, as my daughter is napping. What am I doing? Blogging. About procrastinating. Yeah...

It's one of the reasons why I started the 101/1001 thing. Listing all the things I want to achieve makes them more real and I am more likely to actually do them.

But why do I procrastinate so much? I think a lot of it may be boredom if I am honest. I am not one of these Domestic Goddesses that loves housework. Much rather be a Domestic Slut! (Slut in the sense of messy and not very houseproud, not the sexualised version. See here, Domestic Sluttery) I loathe housework, it never ends. As soon as I get anything put away and tidy, it gets pulled out, used and left. So yes. Boredom is a major factor.

I suppose I can give myself credit that I don't tend to procrastinate about the Big Things. If something of importance has to be done, I usually get on and do it. Which is odd. If I do the biggies, why do the little things get ignored?

Perhaps some of it is Fear. Am I scared of going the whole hog on certain areas of my life because I am unsure of the outcomes or that I might not manage it? I do know I certainly hate failure. And having cocked up things like driving tests more than once, twice...(cough, and the rest!) I do not have any inclination of doing it again! Like my Maths GCSE. I don't have a grade sufficient to go into Teacher Training. I know I should just do it again, and then at least it opens up the option of TT in the future, but how will I feel if I fail it again?

Another factor to consider is Confusion. I really don't know what I am doing or where I am going at the moment. Some of that is because of an outside influence that I have no mundane control over, (however magick is being flung in it's direction to sort it out!) It does mean that we are stuck in this situation until it is sorted out. So even if I had any big plans they would be put in on hold.

I want to have some big plans though. I want to know that I have a future doing what I enjoy, is worthwhile, and while it doesn't have to make loads of money, a comfortable income would be appreciated. But when you just don't have a Scooby as to what you want to do, it makes it difficult to plan things.

So how do I sort this out? Any ideas? :P

Boredom is only sorted by doing Not Boring things. Housework is never going to be interesting to me. Could I hire a cleaner? Not really. Get the family to help. LOL! Yeah. Working Hubs tries to help, but is at work lots. DS is nearly 8, and DD is 1 and a half. Not really going to happen. DS does help to a point, but then makes mess elsewhere.

Fear. If I stopped failing at things, then I might not be so afraid of failure. Self defeating I am aware, but it doesn't change that feeling. Maybe do some tasks that I won't fail at? Aiming to do that with the 101/1001 list. I know that no-one thinks bad of me if I don't always succeed, but my Capricorn self has a really really hard time accepting it.

Confusion. I really really need a plan. I think that has to be my priority.

Well, that's it folks. Any advice on stopping procrastination would be appreciated, but be nice, since telling me to get off my lazy arse won't really help me much. (I say it to myself enough.)

Torchwood - Children of Earth (MAJOR EPISODE 5 SPOLIERS)

Am I part of a small minority that didn't think that CofE was crap?

Traumatic, depressing, horrific, but not crap. (Major spoilers for Episode 5 to follow.)

Jack isn't the Doctor, he is only a man. He doesn't have the intelligence, the experience or the technological knowhow to defeat his enemies. Sometimes he has to use what he has available, even if it devastates him in the process.

And now matter how much it makes us cry, and how much we don't like it, nice people die. In horrible ways. In the very first episode of Torchwood it was stated that the average life expectancy of a Torchwood field officer isn't very long. They don't have the Doctor to protect them. So they die.

It was ADULT sci-fi at its best. Disturbing and thoughtprovoking. Which is what it was meant to do. If it upset you. It worked. If it made you cry. It worked. If it made you feel slightly ashamed of yourself. It worked. That's what decent BBC Drama should do.

The only parts of the series and episode 5 that I had issues with were these; I don't believe that the British military would have followed those orders. Those mums watching their kids being taken away would have ripped those soldiers heads off. And once the children saw how upset their parents and teachers were, would not have walked out so calmly. It would have been mass panic at the outset. And an AMERICAN GENERAL walking into the cabinet and taking over. It wouln't happen.

But Frobisher killing his family and then himself. Yes.

Jack sacrificing his grandson to save millions. Yes.

Torchwood as a series is for Grown Ups. Adult TV isn't just about sex and swearing. Its about getting us out of comfort zones, making us look at our demons and making us THINK.

So yeah, its shit and sad that Ianto died. It is horrific that Jack had to do that to his family. And it is really uncomfortable to easily able to envisage our current government doing EXACTLY the same thing "for the good of the people".

But I don't ever remember being told that Torchwood would have a Happy Ever After...

101 Things To Do In 1001 Days -- Starts Sat 1st Aug 2009

Therefore will finish...

Saturday 28th April 2012

Where have all the Grown Ups gone?

There is a side effect of our Youth obsessed culture that doesn't seem to be talked about much. But a number of events that have happened in the past few months have made me realise that most adults are so by chronological age, rather than maturity. There seem to be more and more examples of people that just need to grow the fuck up.

I don't mean that everyone should be sensible all the time, boring and unable to kick loose, but overall there are too many people I know who range in age from 25 to 60+, for all intents and purposes meant to be Grown Ups, who behave like immature adolescents.

I am really very tired of adults whinging about how crap their lives are, and how mean everyone is to them, and how the world owes them something. Too many people have Redwood size chips on their shoulders that they won't take responsibilty for.

I am the first to admit there are occasions where I drink too much, muck around and generally behave in a manner "unbecoming of a lady my age"!! But I don't do it often, I don't see it as a right and I certainly don't do it in front of my children.

In the workplace, bullying is rife. It is either ignored, condoned or encouraged. Therefore, because bullying is so commonplace, it is easy to slip into a victim mentality that isn't healthy. Now, don't get me wrong, being bullied is shit whoever you are. But recently I have experienced grown women pulling the "I am being bullied" card, because they aren't getting their own way. It seems to be so easy to pull out these labels and hide behind them, rather than actually working the situation out, even if it is hard work.

In every walk of life I am seeing it. Everything is always someone's fault. Why have we lost the ability to take responsibilty for our own lives? WE can't be looked after for ever.

The scariest part of it all is our future. What happens to children when their parents don't act like Grown Ups?

Fitting In

Human beings are social animals. We like to be part of a group. Ideally this would be a group of like-minded, friendly peers of our own choosing. Eventually if we are lucky, we have established a group like this (of varying sizes) by our adulthood.

However, for some reason society insists on throwing our children into large groups where the only thing in common is the year of their birth. Group dynamics and social status are set by who you are friends with and what your interests are. Often however, there is one child, for whatever reason doesn't quite fit in.

This would be my son. He is nearly 8 years old. The youngest of his year. I feel guilty as I know that it is somewhat my fault. We don't socialise with the other parents, other than superficial chitchat outside the classroom, but then we have very little in common with them. The area where we live, success is based on what car you drive, how big your house is, how much stuff you have. And in those terms, we are not successful. We don't drive, we live in a too small maisonette, and we don't do stuff. We are a bit weird, a bit radical, a bit different. Those aren't good things to a child.

It has come to a head this year when my son's best friend left school without a word. Owen came back from his holidays and his friend just wasn't there anymore. And the worst thing, he didn't even bother saying goodbye. (His mum has my contact details. There was no excuse to do that to a child.) But having his buddy gone has meant that his position in the class has changed. He is bestfriendless, and it hurts. The other kids seem to now barely tolerate him. He isn't allowed to join in games, he is told he is "rubbish", and that "boys with O in their names and who wear glasses can't join in..." Talking to the teacher hasn't really gone anywhere. We had assurances that things would be kept an eye on, and that support would be given. I mean, adults miss their friends, and this is an eight year old! However, I don't really think the support has been given to him.

I honestly don't know what to do. While I understand what is going on, the repercussions for us are that we have a miserably and stroppy child who argues and sulks over the slightest incident at home, because he is unhappy at school. I can't condone the bad behaviour, but I hate telling him off constantly for rudeness and inconsideration. It is upsetting as I feel so useless.

I know kids can be cruel. However, now having children of my own, I know that some of that cruelity is based on parental response. If your kids see you taking the piss out of other people they aren't going to think twice about doing it themselves. If you make a huge deal about your plasmascreen tv, then someone that doesn't have one must be weird.

We need to change our materialism, thatcherite/blairite, dogeatdog attitude, yet I look at the majority of the children around here, and it isn't happening.



This depressing post was brought to you by fed-upness irritation, and hopelessness.