Children in the Marital Bed.

If you are a parent, at some point or another you will have had one of your children sleep in bed with you. It isn't the exactly the biggest parenting issue in the world. However, today it was decided (on telly) that it was a Bad Thing.

What gets me though, it wasn't a Bad Thing because of the disturbed sleep and uncomfortableness, etc, etc. It was a Bad Thing because it impacts on your relationship... Poor old Daddy feels left out, and that he is being usurped from his rightful place in his marital bed and he can't have sex in it, so Mummy can't love him anymore and that's bad and it's all the fault of the child sleeping in the bed with them...

Umm. No.

If you do have a child in bed with you, then work out what the reason is for that. Are they ill? Having nightmares? Or are you just too tired to put them back into their own bed? Remember that as that child grows up, they aren't going to be wanting to sleep in the bed with you so why worry about the odd night when they are little. If it is every night, then perhaps there is an issue there, but quite frankly having a kid in the bed every night is a symptom of a problem, not the actual problem...

Mummy doesn't want to have sex with Daddy? That isn't because there is a kid in bed with you. That's a bigger issue, and you are blaming a symptom rather than the problem. If Mummy wants to have sex with Daddy, she will find a way to have sex with Daddy! (NEWSFLASH!!! You don't have to have sex just in the bed!)

Sometimes Mummy doesn't want to have sex with Daddy cos she is too damn knackered and bed is mainly for sleeping in!! If it is purely just tiredness, this is pretty easily remedied with, guess what? SLEEP!! How about getting someone else to look after the kids every now and again, and letting Mum have some peace and quiet? Not exactly rocket science. And if she still doesn't want to have sex, then make the effort to find out why? Is that too much to ask?

This is another way men are made out to be little more than infants. When in fact, they are Grown Ups too. Makes me soooo cross when the act of Parenting is set up as somehow damaging to Relationships. It isn't. So get over it!

The Black Imp.

At least Don Quixote had his windmills.
You mindlessly tilt at nothing.
Your words and actions don’t match up
And your pain and misery spreads like the plague.
Angrily shouting about Honour and Truth
Yet your Honour has gone
And your Truth has slipped you by.

Man of substance
Your portrayal is flawed.
The Black Imp of Deceit sits at your feet
A constant companion.
You don’t even notice him.
Your Gods are watching even if you don’t care.
They notice as you break your vows.

Payback is a Bitch.
SHE is merciless and unyielding.
SHE has no care for your feelings or motives,
SHE sees only cold naked fear and truth.
SHE will hold you up
Weigh your soul.
And find you lacking.

They Watch.

She sat in the circle. Alone and vulnerable, with only a line of salt to protect her. Her only light a single candle. They looked at her from the outside. They couldn’t reach her without breaching the circle.
They knew what she was getting herself into, but they could not warn her. They knew nothing would be the same once again. They hoped it would not burn her soul too much.
Placed in front of the woman was a goblet. Dark liquid filled its bowl. They watched her mutter some strange incantation and lift the vessel to her mouth. She drank it down. Her eyes opened and her Universe shattered into sharp pieces.

Bitch.

Yes. Yes I am.

Today I need to play this song loudly.

Bitch - Meredith Brooks

Loyalty

I am probably a bit too loyal.

If I have made the decision to be your friend, then it takes an awful lot for me to end that friendship. Only when I have had my heart pulled out and trampled on will I walk away. And even then, under some circumstances I will let them back in if they had a good enough reason for being so horrid in the first place.

So it is really really hard for me to deal with a friend who says they are my friend, want to continue to be my friend, but make bugger all effort in actually BEING a friend. I give them so much slack, but it hurts when I feel like they don't care.

I have other friends who are equally elusive, but I know their reasons for it. Work is often hectic and unpredictable, or just time-consuming. Some live miles away, so we don't get together often. I don't have an issue with that. I don't live a life where I can just drop everything for a beer or coffee, so I do understand.

What I don't understand is, just not giving a shit about me any more, when they say they are my friend. No returning calls, replying to emails or texts, yet then ringing me randomly for a long chat and being the lovely person they can be.

So, when is it time to say enough is enough?

Overemotional?

When people meet me for the first time, and possibly for a few more times, they seem to get the impression that I am a hard-nosed cow. And tbh, I probably am. It takes a long time for me to be completely open with someone, and sometimes it doesn't happen at all. It wasn't always like that. Too often I would meet someone that I felt had a certain kindred spirit quality about them, and I would burn too hot, reveal too much, and get my fingers burnt.

I could be too enthusiastic, too full on, and too much. No one seemed to be able to cope with the unabashed me. So the walls went up. And up and up.

The problem with these Great Walls of Hysterical Juggling means that all the emotion and feeling that would spew forth with abandon is kept in, safe and quiet to the outside, yet constantly bubbling away like a great big Cauldron of Power. Occasionally it erupts and can be a force for good or for evil depending on the situation.

I need to be able to dismantle these walls, but rein the emotional abundance in. I know there is nothing wrong with emotion, but mine have always seem to frighten people. They just don't GET it, they don't GET me.

However, I am very much getting to the stage in life where I don't care about that anymore.

Does it matter that I cry at mushy films, at poetry, at music, in empathy to someone on the telly, in real life etc?

Does it matter that I have to turn off the news because I become overwhelmed by the sadness, trauma, hatred that we are constantly bombarded with?

Is it wrong that the more I hear about the state of the world and what the "governments" of the world are doing to it, and I want to scream in their faces "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"

Is it wrong to want to teach my children survivalist skills, because I am coming to the conclusion that they, or their children are going to need them?

Am I the only one that wants to wear pink leopard spotted high heels, dance on tables, drunk on red wine, kissing strangers and jumping in fountains?

Am I the only one that wants to run through the woods at night, and skinnydip in the moonlight?

Am I the only one that looks at a life that isn't bad in any way, but it isn't the life that they ever expected...?

I couldn't help myself

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